[_Exit Mr. Crane._

(_Enter Melissa, accompanied by Captain Canoot._)

"Good-evenin', Cappen Well, Melissy, hum at last, hey? Why didn't you
stay till mornin'? Party business keepin' me up here so late waitin' for
you--when I'm eny most tired to death ironin' and workin' like a slave
all day--ought to ben abed an hour ago. Thought ye left me with
agreeable company, hey? I should like to know what arthly reason you had
to s'pose old Crane was agreeable to me? I always despised the critter;
always thought he wuz a turrible fool--and now I'm convinced on't. I'm
completely disgusted wit him--and I let him know it to-night. I gin him
a piece o' my mind 't I guess he'll be apt to remember for a spell. I
ruther think he went off with a flea in his ear. Why, Cappen--did ye
ever hear of such a piece of audacity in all yer born days? for
_him_--_Tim Crane_--to durst to expire to my hand--the widder o' Deacon
Bedott, jest as if _I'd_ condescen' to look at _him_--the old numbskull!
He don't know B from a broomstick; but if he'd a-stayed much longer I'd
a-teached him the difference, I guess. He's got his _walkin' ticket_
now--I hope he'll lemme alone in futur. And where's Kier? Gun hum with
the Cranes, hey! Well, I guess it's the last time. And now, Melissy
Bedott, you ain't to have nothin' more to dew with them gals--d'ye hear?
You ain't to 'sociate with 'em at all arter this--twould only be
incurridgin' th' old man to come a-pesterin' me agin--and I won't have
him round--d'ye hear? Don't be in a hurry, Cappen--and don't be alarmed
at my gittin' in such passion about old Crane's presumption. Mabby you
think 'twas onfeelin' in me to use him so--an' I don't say but what
'twas _ruther_, but then he's so awful disagreeable tew me, you
know--'tain't _everybody_ I'd treat in such a way. Well, if you _must_
go, good-evenin'! Give my love to Hanner when you write agin--dew call
frequently, Cappen Canoot, dew."--_The Bedott Papers._

THE STAMMERING WIFE

When deeply in love with Miss Emily Pryne,
I vowed, if, the maiden would only be mine,
I would always endeavor to please her.
She blushed her consent, though the stuttering lass
Said never a word except "You're an ass----
An ass--an ass-iduous teaser!"

But when we were married, I found to my ruth,
The stammering lady had spoken the truth;
For often, in obvious dudgeon,
She'd say, if I ventured to give her a jog
In the way of reproof--"You're a do