tional History?--MACAULAY JUNIOR.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNWRITTEN.

_Proud Father_ (_reading his Son's School Report_). "MANNERS
VULGAR--VERY VULGAR. BUT PERHAPS THIS IS HEREDITARY!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House, of Commons, Monday, June 29_.--Early promise of JAMES BAIN,
Knight, begins to be realised. Created profound sensation on night he
took his seat, by walking about with his hat on. SPEAKER down on him
with swift stern reproof. BAIN couldn't make out what all the bother
was about. Seeing a friend on Bench below him, thought he would go
and have a chat with him. Members seated all about had their hats on;
he had cautiously mounted his without reproof, and now, when he moved
three steps with his hat on, Members howled, "Order! order!" and
SPEAKER joined in the cry. Six or seven Members having explained to
him that though a Member may wear his hat when seated, the stability
of the Constitution is imperilled if he does not uncover when he
moves, albeit a step, to the right or left, the new Member passed
remainder of sitting in safety.

[Illustration: Barran de Leeds.]

Next night in his place when BARTLEY was speaking from corner seat
below Gangway, BAIN on top Bench behind. Thought he would stroll out.
Not going to be caught again moving about with his hat on. Carefully
took it off, and holding it firmly in right hand, walked with springy
steps down Gangway and, crossing between BARTLEY and the Chair, made
for the door. As he emerged in full view, there went up from a hundred
throats such a howl of indignation that BAIN stood stock still; stared
round with look of astonishment. Were they howling at him? No doubt
about it. SPEAKER also calling "Order! order!" in those thrillingly
solemn tones. What had he done now? hat in his hand; could someone
else's by any chance have got on his head? Passed his left hand over
massive brow. No, all right. Best thing to do would be to get off
premises as quickly as possible. So BAIN bolted.

"My dear fellow," said BARRAN, running after him, "you know you
mustn't do that any more. You're a young man, and I'm an old one. I
know all the ropes in this machine. When you want anything ask me."

"Well," said BAIN, "since you are so kind, I'd like to ask you what
I've done now?"

"Done?" cried BARRAN, "why you've crossed b