, even to inflicting on us when we deserved it, the
punishment of infants. She had often threatened it, and this threat of a
treatment entirely new, appeared to me extremely dreadful; but I found
the reality much less terrible than the idea, and what is still more
unaccountable, this punishment increased my affection for the person who
had inflicted it. All this affection, aided by my natural mildness, was
scarcely sufficient to prevent my seeking, by fresh offences, a return of
the same chastisement; for a degree of sensuality had mingled with the
smart and shame, which left more desire than fear of a repetition. I was
well convinced the same discipline from her brother would have produced a
quite contrary effect; but from a man of his disposition this was not
probable, and if I abstained from meriting correction it was merely from
a fear of offending Miss Lambercier, for benevolence, aided by the
passions, has ever maintained an empire over me which has given law to my
heart.

This event, which, though desirable, I had not endeavored to accelerate,
arrived without my fault; I should say, without my seeking; and I
profited by it with a safe conscience; but this second, was also the last
time, for Miss Lambercier, who doubtless had some reason to imagine this
chastisement did not produce the desired effect, declared it was too
fatiguing, and that she renounced it for the future. Till now we had
slept in her chamber, and during the winter, even in her bed; but two
days after another room was prepared for us, and from that moment I had
the honor (which I could very well have dispensed with) of being treated
by her as a great boy.

Who would believe this childish discipline, received at eight years old,
from the hands of a woman of thirty, should influence my propensities,
my desires, my passions, for the rest of my life, and that in quite a
contrary sense from what might naturally have been expected? The very
incident that inflamed my senses, gave my desires such an extraordinary
turn, that, confined to what I had already experienced, I sought no
further, and, with blood boiling with sensuality, almost from my birth,
preserved my purity beyond the age when the coldest constitutions lose
their insensibility; long tormented, without knowing by what, I gazed on
every handsome woman with delight; imagination incessantly brought their
charms to my remembrance, only to transform them into so many Miss
Lamberciers.

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