who dwelt there. To avoid
continual mortifications, I shut myself up with my books, or else wept
and sighed unnoticed in the woods. This life soon became insupportable;
I felt that the presence of a woman so dear to me, while estranged from
her heart, increased my unhappiness, and was persuaded, that, ceasing to
see her, I should feel myself less cruelly separated.

I resolved, therefore, to quit the house, mentioned it to her, and she,
far from opposing my resolution, approved it. She had an acquaintance at
Grenoble, called Madam de Deybens, whose husband was on terms of
friendship with Monsieur Malby, chief Provost of Lyons. M. Deybens
proposed my educating M. Malby's children; I accepted this offer, and
departed for Lyons without causing, and almost without feeling, the least
regret at a separation, the bare idea of which, a few months before,
would have given us both the most excruciating torments.

I had almost as much knowledge as was necessary for a tutor, and
flattered myself that my method would be unexceptionable; but the year I
passed at M. Malby's was sufficient to undeceive me in that particular.
The natural gentleness of my disposition seemed calculated for the
employment, if hastiness had not been mingled with it. While things went
favorably, and I saw the pains (which I did not spare) succeed, I was an
angel; but a devil when they went contrary. If my pupils did not
understand me, I was hasty, and when they showed any symptoms of an
untoward disposition, I was so provoked that I could have killed them;
which behavior was not likely to render them either good or wise. I had
two under my care, and they were of very different tempers. St. Marie,
who was between eight and nine years old, had a good person and quick
apprehension, was giddy, lively, playful and mischievous; but his
mischief was ever good-humored. The younger one, named Condillac,
appeared stupid and fretful, was headstrong as a mule, and seemed
incapable of instruction. It may be supposed that between both I did not
want employment, yet with patience and temper I might have succeeded;
but wanting both, I did nothing worth mentioning, and my pupils profited
very little. I could only make use of three means, which are very weak,
and often pernicious with children; namely, sentiment, reasoning,
passion. I sometimes exerted myself so much with St. Marie, that I could
not refrain from tears, and wished to excite similar sensations in hi