mmitted. When I gave my hair, did I not give myself? Why did I so
often dress in white? because I seemed the more your lily; did you not
see me here, for the first time, all in white? Alas! I have loved my
children less, for all intense affection is stolen from the natural
affections. Felix, do you not see that all suffering has its meaning.
Strike me, wound me even more than Monsieur de Mortsauf and my
children's state have wounded me. That woman is the instrument of God's
anger; I will meet her without hatred; I will smile upon her; under pain
of being neither Christian, wife, nor mother, I ought to love her. If,
as you tell me, I contributed to keep your heart unsoiled by the world,
that Englishwoman ought not to hate me. A woman should love the mother
of the man she loves, and I am your mother. What place have I sought in
your heart? that left empty by Madame de Vandenesse. Yes, yes, you have
always complained of my coldness; yes, I am indeed your mother only.
Forgive me therefore the involuntary harshness with which I met you on
your return; a mother ought to rejoice that her son is so well loved--"

She laid her head for a moment on my breast, repeating the words,
"Forgive me! oh, forgive me!" in a voice that was neither her girlish
voice with its joyous notes, nor the woman's voice with despotic
endings; not the sighing sound of the mother's woe, but an agonizing new
voice for new sorrows.

"You, Felix," she presently continued, growing animated; "you are the
friend who can do no wrong. Ah! you have lost nothing in my heart; do
not blame yourself, do not feel the least remorse. It was the height
of selfishness in me to ask you to sacrifice the joys of life to an
impossible future; impossible, because to realize it a woman must
abandon her children, abdicate her position, and renounce eternity. Many
a time I have thought you higher than I; you were great and noble, I,
petty and criminal. Well, well, it is settled now; I can be to you no
more than a light from above, sparkling and cold, but unchanging. Only,
Felix, let me not love the brother I have chosen without return. Love
me, cherish me! The love of a sister has no dangerous to-morrow, no
hours of difficulty. You will never find it necessary to deceive the
indulgent heart which will live in future within your life, grieve for
your griefs, be joyous with your joys, which will love the women who
make you happy, and resent their treachery. I never had a brother t