lowly, Bibbs, but at last it was all
there--and I didn't know how to be a stenographer. I didn't know how
to be anything except a well-to-do old maid or somebody's wife--and
I couldn't be a well-to-do old maid. Then, Bibbs, I did what I'd been
raised to know how to do. I went out to be fascinating and be married. I
did it openly, at least, and with a kind of decent honesty. I told your
brother I had meant to fascinate him and that I was not in love with
him, but I let him think that perhaps I meant to marry him. I think I
did mean to marry him. I had never cared for anybody, and I thought
it might be there really WASN'T anything more than a kind of excited
fondness. I can't be sure, but I think that though I did mean to
marry him I never should have done it, because that sort of a marriage
is--it's sacrilege--something would have stopped me. Something did stop
me; it was your sister-in-law, Sibyl. She meant no harm--but she was
horrible, and she put what I was doing into such horrible words--and
they were the truth--oh! I SAW myself! She was proposing a miserable
compact with me--and I couldn't breathe the air of the same room with
her, though I'd so cheapened myself she had a right to assume that I
WOULD. But I couldn't! I left her, and I wrote to your brother--just a
quick scrawl. I told him just what I'd done; I asked his pardon, and I
said I would not marry him. I posted the letter, but he never got it.
That was the afternoon he was killed. That's all, Bibbs. Now you know
what I did--and you know--ME!" She pressed her clenched hands tightly
against her eyes, leaning far forward, her head bowed before him.

Bibbs had forgotten himself long ago; his heart broke for her. "Couldn't
you--Isn't there--Won't you--" he stammered. "Mary, I'm going with
father. Isn't there some way you could use the money without--without--"

She gave a choked little laugh.

"You gave me something to live for," he said. "You kept me alive, I
think--and I've hurt you like this!"

"Not you--oh no!"

"You could forgive me, Mary?"

"Oh, a thousand times!" Her right hand went out in a faltering gesture,
and just touched his own for an instant. "But there's nothing to
forgive."

"And you can't--you can't--"

"Can't what, Bibbs?"

"You couldn't--"

"Marry you?" she said for him.

"Yes."

"No, no, no!" She sprang up, facing him, and, without knowing what she
did, she set her hands upon his breast, pushing him back from her a
little.