College at
Woolwich, played him a trick, apparently between jest and earnest, which
amused us exceedingly. He was to be flogged; and the dreadful door of
the library was approached. (They did not invest the books with flowers,
as Montaigne recommends.) Down falls the criminal, and, twisting himself
about the master's legs, which he does the more when the other attempts
to move, repeats without ceasing, "Oh, good God! consider my father,
sir; my father, sir; you know my father!" The point was felt to be
getting ludicrous, and was given up. P----, now a popular preacher, was
in the habit of entertaining the boys that way. He was a regular wag;
and would snatch his jokes out of the very flame and fury of the master,
like snap-dragon. Whenever the other struck him, P. would get up; and,
half to avoid the blows, and half render them ridiculous, begin moving
about the school-room, making all sorts of antics. When he was struck in
the face, he would clap his hand with affected vehemence to the place,
and cry as rapidly, "_Oh_, Lord!" If the blow came on the arm, he would
grasp his arm, with a similar exclamation. The master would then go,
driving and kicking him; while the patient accompanied every blow with
the same comments and illustrations, making faces to us by way of index.

What a bit of a golden age was it, when the Rev. Mr. Steevens, one of
the under grammar-masters, took his place, on some occasion, for a short
time! Steevens was short and fat, with a handsome, cordial face. You
loved him as you looked at him; and seemed as if you should love him the
more, the fatter he became. I stammered when I was at that time of life;
which was an infirmity that used to get me into terrible trouble with
the master. Steevens used to say, on the other hand, "Here comes our
little black-haired friend, who stammers so. Now, let us see what we can
do for him." The consequence was, I did not hesitate half so much as
with the other. When I did, it was out of impatience to please him.

Such of us were not liked the better by the master, as were in favor
with his wife. She was a sprightly, good-looking woman, with black eyes,
and was beheld with transport by the boys, whenever she appeared at the
school-door. Her husband's name, uttered in a mingled tone of
good-nature and imperativeness, brought him down from his seat with
smiling haste. Sometimes he did not return. On entering the school one
day, he found a boy eating cherries. "Where d