e morning I awoke with the same vague feeling, but presently
recollection returned, and I remembered that I had committed the sin
against the Holy Ghost. I lay musing for some time on what I had done,
and I felt rather stunned, as before; at last I arose and got out of bed,
dressed myself, and then went down on my knees, and was about to pray
from the force of mechanical habit; before I said a word, however, I
recollected myself, and got up again. What was the use of praying? I
thought; I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost.

'I went to school, but sat stupefied. I was again chidden, again beaten,
by my master. I felt no anger this time, and scarcely heeded the
strokes. I looked, however, at my master's face, and thought to myself,
you are beating me for being idle, as you suppose; poor man, what would
you do if you knew I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost?

'Days and weeks passed by. I had once been cheerful, and fond of the
society of children of my own age; but I was now reserved and gloomy. It
seemed to me that a gulf separated me from all my fellow-creatures. I
used to look at my brothers and schoolfellows, and think how different I
was from them; they had not done what I had. I seemed, in my own eyes, a
lone monstrous being, and yet, strange to say, I felt a kind of pride in
being so. I was unhappy, but I frequently thought to myself, I have done
what no one else would dare to do; there was something grand in the idea;
I had yet to learn the horror of my condition.

'Time passed on, and I began to think less of what I had done; I began
once more to take pleasure in my childish sports; I was active, and
excelled at football and the like all the lads of my age. I likewise
began, what I had never done before, to take pleasure in the exercises of
the school. I made great progress in Welsh and English grammar, and
learnt to construe Latin. My master no longer chid or beat me, but one
day told my father that he had no doubt that one day I should be an
honour to Wales.

'Shortly after this my father fell sick; the progress of the disorder was
rapid; feeling his end approaching, he called his children before him.
After tenderly embracing us, he said, "God bless you, my children, I am
going from you, but take comfort, I trust that we shall all meet again in
heaven."

'As he uttered these last words, horror took entire possession of me.
Meet my father in heaven,--how could I ever hope t