dle, playing with her
fingers,--smiles and moves her lips like--But I cannot bear to write
what she is like. I will never believe it. She was in a state of
excitement, and this blow has staggered her. But she will recover. God
will not deal with us so hardly.

Mr. Colman is away, making his preparations. He surely will not take
with him this poor, helpless girl.

* * * * *

_November 7._--O, he was so good, so lovely!--noble-looking, and in his
very best days. Always was something cheering or lively dropping from
his lips. And to think that the last words he uttered were those cries
of agony from the dark waters,--"Walter! Walter!"

All night I toss among the dreadful waves, with that cry ringing in my
ears; or I strive to clutch at a man's form, as it pitches headlong; or
take again that fearful leap, and, at the shock, wake in horror.

Such a dear friend as he was to me! I remember that last night he came
to my chamber, so kind, so comforting. And what did I ever do for him?
O, if I could only think of anything I ever did for him!

* * * * *

_December 12._--The minister talked with me soothingly to-day of the
love of God for his children. I feel to-night willing to trust all to
Him.

Let the worst happen that can happen, I will bow my head in submission.
What matters the few years' sadness of an obscure being? Nothing in the
universe stands affected by my grief. Can I not bear what is mine own?
Still, even Jesus prayed that the cup might pass.

* * * * *

_January 9._--Mr. Colman is in the place. I am sorry. Let me try my
best, I have to hate that man--a little. In my secret thoughts I call
him my enemy. Did he think, because he was a preacher, that he could
pick and choose,--that nothing was too good for him?

I must write down my bad thoughts sometimes. No doubt he is a good man,
after all. But he must not meet Elinor now, not if he were a seraph.

* * * * *

_January 10._--He came this afternoon, and I met him at the gate. He
inquired for Elinor. I asked if he would like to see her, and drew him
towards the window of the east room, Lucy's room (Lucy is with her
mother). The shutters of this window were partly open. All the others
were closed.

Elinor was at the farther end of the room. A little light came in from
the window over the kitchen door, or we could hardly have seen