.

BELL. Why, faith, I must confess, so I designed you; but you were a
little unlucky in coming so soon, and hindered the making of your own
fortune.

FOND. Humph. Nay, if you mince the matter once and go back of your word
you are not the person I took you for. Come, come, go on boldly.--What,
don't be ashamed of your profession.--Confess, confess; I shall love thee
the better for't. I shall, i'feck. What, dost think I don't know how to
behave myself in the employment of a cuckold, and have been three years
apprentice to matrimony? Come, come; plain dealing is a jewel.

BELL. Well, since I see thou art a good, honest fellow, I'll confess the
whole matter to thee.

FOND. Oh, I am a very honest fellow. You never lay with an honester
man's wife in your life.

LAET. How my heart aches! All my comfort lies in his impudence, and
heaven be praised, he has a considerable portion. [_Aside_.]

BELL. In short, then, I was informed of the opportunity of your absence
by my spy (for faith, honest Isaac, I have a long time designed thee this
favour). I knew Spintext was to come by your direction. But I laid a
trap for him, and procured his habit, in which I passed upon your
servants, and was conducted hither. I pretended a fit of the colic, to
excuse my lying down upon your bed; hoping that when she heard of it, her
good nature would bring her to administer remedies for my distemper. You
know what might have followed. But, like an uncivil person, you knocked
at the door before your wife was come to me.

FOND. Ha! This is apocryphal; I may choose whether I will believe it or
no.

BELL. That you may, faith, and I hope you won't believe a word on't--but
I can't help telling the truth, for my life.

FOND. How! would not you have me believe you, say you?

BELL. No; for then you must of consequence part with your wife, and
there will be some hopes of having her upon the public; then the
encouragement of a separate maintenance--

FOND. No, no; for that matter, when she and I part, she'll carry her
separate maintenance about her.

LAET. Ah, cruel dear, how can you be so barbarous? You'll break my
heart, if you talk of parting. [_Cries_.]

FOND. Ah, dissembling vermin!

BELL. How can'st thou be so cruel, Isaac? Thou hast the heart of a
mountain-tiger. By the faith of a sincere sinner, she's innocent for me.
Go to him, madam, fling your snowy arms about his stubborn neck; bathe
his relentless fa