may take the drum to represent Italy, the set of pipes Germany, always
fond of making a shrill noise, and the triangle will ably represent
Austria. See? (_Great applause._) And now I am very unwilling to weary
you further. ("_No, no!_") Thank you! But I myself have an appointment
which I must keep, so therefore, I must conclude my entertainment--I
should say speech. Otherwise you would grow weary of me? ("_No, no!_")
Thank you! But before bidding you good-bye, I must sing you one more
song that I think will please everybody. It is called "_Home Sweet
Home_." (_Thunders of applause._) And now I will just get the right
key and fire away. (_He tunes up harp, and prepares to play._) And
now, Ladies and Gentlemen, silence please, while I sing the most
touching song in my _repertoire_. (_Sings with immense feeling, "Home,
Sweet Home."_) Now then, Ladies and Gentlemen, chorus, please--

"Home, sweet home!
Where'er we wander,
There's no place like ho--o--o--ome!"

[_The chorus is repeated as Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON disappears
behind a curtain on the platform, and the audience fade away._

* * * * *

A PENNY FRENCH--TWOPENCE BRITISH.

(_A FRAGMENT FROM A ROMANCE OF THE G.P.O._)

The youth, without a moment's hesitation, dashed manfully into the
sea. He was watched by the excited spectators, who cheered him as
he breasted the waves that beat against the head of the Admiralty
Pier. It must, indeed, have been a great prize in view that could
have caused such a daring feat. That was the thought of the old
Coast-guardsman, as he watched the lad (he was scarcely more than a
boy) as he took stroke after stroke for Calais. Now he rested on the
back of a treacherous porpoise that soon cast him away.

[Illustration]

"Will the steamboat lend him a helping hand, or rather rope?" muttered
the veteran salt, as he watched the seemingly fragile figure of the
swimmer. "Ah, by Neptune! well done! Strike me flat with a lubberly
marling-spike, but a kindly act indeed!"

The action that had extorted the admiration of the aged seaman was a
rope that had been thrown over the steamboat's bulwarks. The now weary
swimmer gratefully accepted the boon. It saved his life.

"Will you pay the difference, and come on board, young Sir?" asked the
Captain of the packet, facetiously.

"Were it not that I am very poor," gasped out the tired, and shivering
lad, "I should not have undertaken this gigantic b