l who had faith in him, and also as a
fresh opportunity to confirm his healing powers and enhance his fame.
'They bring people a thousand versts and write about it in the papers.
The Emperor knows of it, and they know of it in Europe, in unbelieving
Europe'--thought he. And suddenly he felt ashamed of his vanity and
again began to pray. 'Lord, King of Heaven, Comforter, Soul of Truth!
Come and enter into me and cleanse me from all sin and save and bless
my soul. Cleanse me from the sin of worldly vanity that troubles me!' he
repeated, and he remembered how often he had prayed about this and how
vain till now his prayers had been in that respect. His prayers worked
miracles for others, but in his own case God had not granted him
liberation from this petty passion.

He remembered his prayers at the commencement of his life at the
hermitage, when he prayed for purity, humility, and love, and how it
seemed to him then that God heard his prayers. He had retained his
purity and had chopped off his finger. And he lifted the shrivelled
stump of that finger to his lips and kissed it. It seemed to him now
that he had been humble then when he had always seemed loathsome to
himself on account of his sinfulness; and when he remembered the tender
feelings with which he had then met an old man who was bringing a
drunken soldier to him to ask alms; and how he had received HER, it
seemed to him that he had then possessed love also. But now? And he
asked himself whether he loved anyone, whether he loved Sofya Ivanovna,
or Father Seraphim, whether he had any feeling of love for all who had
come to him that day--for that learned young man with whom he had had
that instructive discussion in which he was concerned only to show off
his own intelligence and that he had not lagged behind the times in
knowledge. He wanted and needed their love, but felt none towards them.
He now had neither love nor humility nor purity.

He was pleased to know that the merchant's daughter was twenty-two, and
he wondered whether she was good-looking. When he inquired whether she
was weak, he really wanted to know if she had feminine charm.

'Can I have fallen so low?' he thought. 'Lord, help me! Restore me, my
Lord and God!' And he clasped his hands and began to pray.

The nightingales burst into song, a cockchafer knocked against him and
crept up the back of his neck. He brushed it off. 'But does He exist?
What if I am knocking at a door fastened from outside