kness.

WAR ON THE GOATS

War has been declared in Hell's Kitchen. An indignant public opinion
demands to have "something done ag'in' them goats," and there is alarm
at the river end of the street. A public opinion in Hell's Kitchen
that demands anything besides schooners of mixed ale is a sign. Surer
than a college settlement and a sociological canvass, it foretells the
end of the slum. Sebastopol, the rocky fastness of the gang that gave
the place its bad name, was razed only the other day, and now the
police have been set on the goats. Cause enough for alarm.

A reconnaissance in force by the enemy showed some foundation for the
claim that the goats owned the block. Thirteen were found foraging in
the gutters, standing upon trucks, or calmly dozing in doorways. They
evinced no particularly hostile disposition, but a marked desire to
know the business of every chance caller in the block. This caused a
passing unpleasantness between one big white goat and the janitress of
the tenement on the corner. Being crowded up against the wall by the
animal, bent on exploring her pockets, she beat it off with her
scrubbing-pail and mop. The goat, thus dismissed, joined a horse at
the curb in apparently innocent meditation, but with one leering eye
fixed back over its shoulder upon the housekeeper setting out an ash
barrel.

Her back was barely turned when it was in the barrel, with head and
fore feet exploring its depths. The door of the tenement opened upon
the housekeeper trundling another barrel just as the first one fell
and rolled across the sidewalk, with the goat capering about. Then was
the air filled with bad language and a broomstick and a goat for a
moment, and the woman was left shouting her wrongs.

"What de divil good is dem goats anyhow?" she said, panting. "There's
no housekeeper in de United Shtates can watch de ash cans wid dem
divil's imps around. They near killed an Eyetalian child the other
day, and two of them got basted in de neck when de goats follied dem
and didn't get nothing. That big white one o' Tim's, he's the worst in
de lot, and he's got only one horn, too."

This wicked and unsymmetrical animal is denounced for its malice
throughout the block by even the defenders of the goats. Singularly
enough, he cannot be located, and neither can Tim. If the scouting
party has better luck and can seize this wretched beast, half the
campaign may be over. It will be accepted as a sacrifice by one