ual exhortations a sample should be preserved to posterity
as illustrating the conditions of these times. If any be inclined to
judge harshly, from the character of these exhortations, as to the
patience and forbearance and longsuffering spirit inculcated at West
Point, he may consider the trying nature of the job suddenly placed
upon the graduate of that venerable institution (only one year out of
the school, and of a temper naturally not mild), called upon to direct
and drill, in one lump, a thousand greenhorns, and charged with the
duty of making soldiers out of them. Unfortunately, in the center of
the line, in front and in plain view, was a newly uniformed and
commissioned Lieutenant, whose _nomme de guerre_ was Simps. On this
occasion he was standing much like a tall, full meal bag, bulging
under its own pressure. The eagle eye of the Colonel soon detected him
and the wrath accumulated, and unsoothed by the strains of the drum
corps, broke out afresh. Referring in terms of emphatic condemnation
to Simps as an individual, and assigning his spiritual being to a
warmer climate, he ordered him to "draw up his bowels." The
embarrassed Simps, thus singled out and complimented, already feeling
himself in too conspicuous a position, and quite too new to the
business, and also alarmed at the suddenness and warmth of the
personal address in front of so large and critical a company, made
some convulsive movement as if struck by lightning; but either because
he had no control over his abdominal muscles, or because he was
paralyzed by fear, he did not "draw up" perceptibly. However, Simps
was not the only awkward figure in the line, though perhaps the most
conspicuous; and the exhortations of the Colonel proceeded, and soon
no fellow felt sure that some particular exhortation, uncomplimentary
and perhaps not fully understood, would fall upon him. The attention
of the Colonel, however, recurred to Simps, no less bulging, but
rather worse than before: "Mr. Simps, for God's sake draw up your
bowels." The miserable Simps could not; his bowels were not built that
way, and further exhortations followed in the same vein, and with
increasing emphasis. He was advised to employ the worst drilled man in
the regiment to teach him, and finally was driven into the rear of the
regiment, where he disappeared to fame, and from whence he soon after
retired to private life. His military career was short but
conspicuous. He had one notice from his