luity of adipose tissue. "When guarding a railway bridge
as a special constable a troop train stopped through an engine
breakdown. Numbers of finely built men in fur coats descended on to the
line. Two of them came to me and, making signs of thirst, said, 'Vodka,
vodka.' They embraced me warmly after I had offered them my
pocket-flask, and then, shouting 'Berlin,' rejoined the train."

I could quite believe that. Any brother-in-law of Wiggins would have a
pocket-flask.

Yet the Press Bureau solemnly asserts that no Russian troops have passed
through this country. I have now no faith in anyone's uncles, aunts nor
yet brothers-in-law. I believe nothing. Is there a KAISER? Is there a
War? Or is the whole thing a malignant invention of LLOYD GEORGE to save
a tottering Government? But then again--(most terrible of all
doubts)--is there a LLOYD GEORGE?

* * * * *

MORE SPIRITUOUS HOSPITALITY.

From a German pamphlet quoted by the _Ipswich Evening Star_:--

"With German energy we are determined to win, and we invite
Italians to gin with us?"

* * * * *

THE SILVERN TONGUE.

It was his vest-slip which chained my eye. Spats and the lesser niceties
are common among the altruists who strive to set us to rights just by
the Marble Arch, but a vest-slip was a new note.

His voice was like his hair, in that it was thin, undecided, not really
assertive enough to be impressive ... Ah, now I had the range of him.

"You may call 'im a beneffercent despot. I _don't_. You may 'ave a tiste
for aristocrercy, plootocrercy, ortocrercy. I _'aven't_. You may prefer
to 'ave a iron-shod 'eel ground on your fices. _I don't._

"There was a professor at Kimebridge, some years ago, who said to me,
when I 'come-up,' as they say, after tikin' my degree, 'My boy,' 'e
says, 'when you git out into the world, when you desert these 'ere
cloistered 'alls, these shidy lawns, these venerable cryp's, never you
eat no dirt! Not for nobody, my boy! Remember your ol' collidge, think
of your _awmer-miter_, think of 'istoric Trinity 'All, an' the pelloocid
Isis, and never eat no dirt!'

"Yes, gents, they was 'is larst words to me, one of 'is fivourite
pupils, if I may say so; 'is Pawthian shots. An' if that there estimable
ol' man could look down on me now, as I stand 'ere fice to fice in front
of you, 'e would candidly admit that I 'ave always bore in mind 'is
fawtherly adjurition