craped together he resolved to lay out in
ostentation, and it even occurred to him to enter into rivalry with
me. I had recourse to my purse, and soon brought the poor devil to
such a pass that, in order to save his credit, he was obliged to
become bankrupt a second time, and hasten over the frontier. Thus
I got rid of him. In this neighborhood I made many idlers and
good-for-nothing fellows.

With all the royal splendor and expenditure by which I made all
succumb to me, I still in my own house lived very simply and retired.
I had established the strictest circumspection as a rule. No one
except Bendel, under any pretence whatever, was allowed to enter the
rooms which I inhabited. So long as the sun shone I kept myself shut
up there, and it was said "the Count is employed with his cabinet."
With this employment numerous couriers stood in connection, whom I,
for every trifle, sent out and received. I received company in the
evening only under my trees, or in my hall arranged and lighted
according to Bendel's plan. When I went out, on which occasions it
was necessary that I should be constantly watched by the Argus eyes
of Bendel, it was only to the Forester's Garden, for the sake of one
alone; for my love was the innermost heart of my life.

Oh, my good Chamisso! I will hope that thou hast not yet forgotten
what love is! I leave much unmentioned here to thee. Mina was really
an amiable, kind, good child. I had taken her whole imagination
captive. She could not, in her humility, conceive how she could
be worthy that I should alone have fixed my regard on her; and she
returned love for love with all the youthful power of an innocent
heart. She loved like a woman, offering herself wholly up;
self-forgetting; living wholly and solely for him who was her life;
regardless if she herself perished; that is to say--she really loved.

But I--oh what terrible hours--terrible and yet worthy that I should
wish them back again--have I often wept on Bendel's bosom, when,
after the first unconscious intoxication, I recollected myself, looked
sharply into myself--I, without a shadow, with knavish selfishness
destroying this angel, this pure soul which I had deceived and stolen.
Then did I resolve to reveal myself to her; then did I swear with a
most passionate oath to tear myself from her, and to fly; then did
I burst out into tears, and concert with Bendel how in the evening I
should visit her in the Forester's garden.

At other ti