visitors being impeded by a circumstance which
the experience of ages had discovered no means to obviate. The grooms,
coachmen, and postillions, were all drunk. It was proposed that the
gentlemen should officiate in their places: but the gentlemen were
almost all in the same condition. This was a fearful dilemma: but a
very diligent investigation brought to light a few servants and a few
gentlemen not above _half-seas-over_; and by an equitable distribution
of these rarities, the greater part of the guests were enabled to set
forward, with very nearly an even chance of not having their necks
broken before they reached home.

CHAPTER XV
The Conclusion

The squire and his select party of philosophers and dilettanti were
again left in peaceful possession of Headlong Hall: and, as the former
made a point of never losing a moment in the accomplishment of a
favourite object, he did not suffer many days to elapse, before the
spiritual metamorphosis of eight into four was effected by the
clerical dexterity of the Reverend Doctor Gaster.

Immediately after the ceremony, the whole party dispersed, the squire
having first extracted from every one of his chosen guests a positive
promise to re-assemble in August, when they would be better enabled,
in its most appropriate season, to form a correct judgment of Cambrian
hospitality.

Mr Jenkison shook hands at parting with his two brother philosophers.
"According to your respective systems," said he, "I ought to
congratulate _you_ on a change for the better, which I do most
cordially: and to condole with _you_ on a change for the worse,
though, when I consider whom you have chosen, I should violate every
principle of probability in doing so."

"You will do well," said Mr Foster, "to follow our example. The
extensive circle of general philanthropy, which, in the present
advanced stage of human nature, comprehends in its circumference the
destinies of the whole species, originated, and still proceeds, from
that narrower circle of domestic affection, which first set limits to
the empire of selfishness, and, by purifying the passions and
enlarging the affections of mankind, has given to the views of
benevolence an increasing and illimitable expansion, which will
finally diffuse happiness and peace over the whole surface of the
world."

"The affection," said Mr Escot, "of two congenial spirits, united not
by legal bondage and superstitious imposture, but by mutual c