l, hairy ears, ornamented with
enormous jewels. Her neck was short, and three stubborn warts, of the
size of peas, stuck to its left side. Her waist might have been admired
in the fifteenth century; but it was some nine inches too short by as
many too broad, to elicit the admiration of the gallants of the present
age, who rave, and go distracted about gossamer divinities scarcely six
inches in circumference. She was about four feet four in stature, and her
foot would have crushed Cinderella, and used her slipper for a thumb-cot.
Such was Mary Madeline Mumbles in her eighteenth year, and never was
child more like parent, than was this young lady like her doting,
affectionate mamma.

We have been at considerable trouble to sketch Miss Mumbles at full
length, that the reader may be able to form a correct idea of her
appearance when she steps forth in full glory of silken bridal attire, on
the arm of Mr. Theophilus Shaw, the promising young shoe-cobbler, upon
whom Mr. Salsify had long since set his heart, as the proper man to
become his future son-in-law. And Miss Mary, who lost her passion for
Dick Giblet, after he shut the watch-dog in the kitchen-pantry,--a trick
which had nearly cost her the loss of a beloved mother,--and finding she
could not captivate the handsome Colonel Malcome with checkered aprons
and broad lace, began, like a dutiful child, to receive the advances of
the mild Theophilus more graciously, and had, after much maidenly
confusion, consented to become his wife, when, as we have seen, the
uncompromising colonel called, and distracted her with fear lest she had
been too precipitate in accepting Theophilus, when a higher prize might
be on the point of falling into her arms. But her apprehensions were
banished after a while, as the colonel did not appear a second time, and
the marriage was finally consummated; and Mary Madeline Mumbles became in
due form Mrs. Theophilus Shaw. Jenny Andrews and Amy Seaton officiated as
bridesmaids, and a large party were invited to make merry on the
occasion.

The bride's apparel was magnificent; so was the bridegroom's. We would
attempt to describe it in detail, but dare not, knowing well we should
fail to do it justice. Mrs. Salsify had the wicks of her parlor lamps
full half an inch in length, and never seemed to notice how swiftly the
camphene was disappearing, so elate was she with the prospect of marrying
her beautiful daughter.

The happy couple were to make a sho