ng man
in the high road. He's taking me out to-night. He's just going to ring
up for seats."

Without a word I went to the telephone.

* * * * *

=The Right Order of Things at Last.=

"A Gentleman would be pleased to Recommend his Butler in whose service
he has been three years."--_Daily Paper._

* * * * *

"TO AMERICANS IN LONDON.--The ----, Cornwall, offers you
comfortable home while on this side; far away from the madding
crown."--_Daily Paper._

Republican prejudices respected.

* * * * *

There was a hard-swearing old sailor
Whose speech might have startled a jailer;
But he frankly avowed
That the charabanc crowd
Would not be allowed on a whaler.

* * * * *

=THE PATIENTS' LIBRARY.=

Though a West-End physician of repute, he must, I think, have had a
course of American training, if rapidity of action be any indication
thereof.

Scarcely had the maid ushered me into his study and I had taken a seat
than he came forward brusquely, looked at me with the glowering eye of
the _Second Murderer_, grasped a large piece of me in the region of
the fourth rib and barked, "You're too fat."

Having been carefully bred I refrained from retaliation. I did
not tell him that his legs were out of drawing and that he had a
frightfully vicious nose. But before I had time to explain my business
he had started on a series of explosive directions: "Eat proper food.
Plenty of open air. Exercise morning, noon and night and in between.
Use the Muldow system. You need a tonic."

He turned to his table and was, I suppose, about to draw a cheque for
me on the local chemist's when I decided to say my little piece.

"Excuse me, Sir," said I mildly, "I am not a patient."

The combination fountain-pen and thermometer almost fell from his
hand.

"I am," said I, "the sole proprietor and sole representative of the
Physicians' Supply Association. I gave your maid my card. I have
called with a thrilling offer of magazines for your waiting-room."

"What dates?" said he, a gleam of interest in his dark eye.

"All pre-war," said I proudly; "none of them are later than 1900 and
some go back to 1880."

"Not B.C.?" said he, with a look in which hope and disbelief were
mingled.

"No," said I. "All are A.D.; but they include two Reports of Missions
to Deep Sea Fishermen in 1885--very