n you expect of him? Our real misfortune is, that our noble club
should be obliged to dine with its cook."

There were several of these _steady-cooks_ on board; men of no mark or
consideration whatever in the ship; lost to all noble promptings;
sighing for no worlds to conquer, and perfectly contented with mixing
their _duff's_, and spreading their mess-cloths, and mustering their
pots and pans together three times every day for a three years' cruise.
They were very seldom to be seen on the spar-deck, but kept below out
of sight.

CHAPTER XVI.

GENERAL TRAINING IN A MAN-OF-WAR.

To a quiet, contemplative character, averse to uproar, undue exercise
of his bodily members, and all kind of useless confusion, nothing can
be more distressing than a proceeding in all men-of-war called
"_general quarters_." And well may it be so called, since it amounts to
a general drawing and quartering of all the parties concerned.

As the specific object for which a man-of-war is built and put into
commission is to fight and fire off cannon, it is, of course, deemed
indispensable that the crew should be duly instructed in the art and
mystery involved. Hence these "general quarters," which is a mustering
of all hands to their stations at the guns on the several decks, and a
sort of sham-fight with an imaginary foe.

The summons is given by the ship's drummer, who strikes a peculiar
beat--short, broken, rolling, shuffling--like the sound made by the
march into battle of iron-heeled grenadiers. It is a regular tune, with
a fine song composed to it; the words of the chorus, being most
artistically arranged, may give some idea of the air:

"Hearts of oak are our ships, jolly tars are our men,
We always are ready, steady, boys, steady,
To fight and to conquer, again and again."

In warm weather this pastime at the guns is exceedingly unpleasant, to
say the least, and throws a quiet man into a violent passion and
perspiration. For one, I ever abominated it.

I have a heart like Julius Caesar, and upon occasions would fight like
Caius Marcius Coriolanus. If my beloved and for ever glorious country
should be ever in jeopardy from invaders, let Congress put me on a
war-horse, in the van-guard, and _then_ see how I will acquit myself.
But to toil and sweat in a fictitious encounter; to squander the
precious breath of my precious body in a ridiculous fight of shams and
pretensions; to hurry about the decks, pretending t