fully--though that rather made things worse. If he had
been nasty about it I wouldn't have felt so heartbroken and
remorseful--though why I should feel remorseful I don't know, for I
never encouraged Fred to think I cared a bit about him. Yet feel
remorseful I did--and do. If Fred Arnold never comes back from
overseas, this will haunt me all my life.

"Then Fred said if he couldn't take my love with him to the trenches at
least he wanted to feel that he had my friendship, and would I kiss him
just once in good-bye before he went--perhaps for ever?

"I don't know how I could ever had imagined that love affairs were
delightful, interesting things. They are horrible. I couldn't even give
poor heartbroken Fred one little kiss, because of my promise to Ken. It
seemed so brutal. I had to tell Fred that of course he would have my
friendship, but that I couldn't kiss him because I had promised
somebody else I wouldn't.

"He said, 'It is--is it--Ken Ford?'

"I nodded. It seemed dreadful to have to tell it--it was such a sacred
little secret just between me and Ken.

"When Fred went away I came up here to my room and cried so long and so
bitterly that mother came up and insisted on knowing what was the
matter. I told her. She listened to my tale with an expression that
clearly said, 'Can it be possible that anyone has been wanting to marry
this baby?' But she was so nice and understanding and sympathetic, oh,
just so race-of-Josephy--that I felt indescribably comforted. Mothers
are the dearest things.

"'But oh, mother,' I sobbed, 'he wanted me to kiss him good-bye--and I
couldn't--and that hurt me worse than all the rest.'

"'Well, why didn't you kiss him?' asked mother coolly. 'Considering the
circumstances, I think you might have.'

"'But I couldn't, mother--I promised Ken when he went away that I
wouldn't kiss anybody else until he came back.'

"This was another high explosive for poor mother. She exclaimed, with
the queerest little catch in her voice, 'Rilla, are you engaged to
Kenneth Ford?'

"'I--don't--know,' I sobbed.

"'You--don't--know?' repeated mother.

"Then I had to tell her the whole story, too; and every time I tell it
it seems sillier and sillier to imagine that Ken meant anything
serious. I felt idiotic and ashamed by the time I got through.

"Mother sat a little while in silence. Then she came over, sat down
beside me, and took me in her arms.

"'Don't cry, dear little Rilla-my-Rilla. You hav