urned His Majesty, "so long as I
reign without attempting to govern. Believe me, it is better to have
universal suffrage than a despot who may be at once cruel and
incompetent."

"In fact, an idiot," put in a reporter, who was doing the ceremony for a
local record.

"Quite so," acquiesced the Monarch; and then, turning to the
newly-married pair, he observed, "Bless you, my children! Mark me, I
order you to live in happiness for ever afterwards."

And IVANHOE and his bride obeyed the royal command.

* * * * *

[Illustration:]

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TORY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, February 17._--"Better be in your place
early," said CHAPLIN, passing me as he marched with long strides across
resounding corridor.

"Yes, I know. OLD MORALITY'S going to say what Government will do about
PARNELL Commission's Report; everybody anxious to know."

"It's not that, dear boy, not that," said our new Minister, in
compassionate tone. "I have two questions to answer. First time, don't
you know; everybody dying to see how it goes off; warrant you they
shan't be disappointed."

COBB the Curious came on with first interrogatory. All about fox-hunting
and fox-hunters. Pretty to see COBB, having submitted his question under
ten sub-heads, place hands on knees and fix Minister with steady stare.
CHAPLIN advanced to table with graceful carriage and confident bearing;
produced with imposing flourish a sheaf of notes, foolscap size, stoutly
sewn, apparently exceeding a dozen in number; began to read with
practised elocutionary art; drew the covert, "so to speak," as T. W.
RUSSELL protests he said when telling the men of Manchester that WILLIAM
O'BRIEN must be taken by the throat. No draw; went to next covert--I
mean turned over another folio. House began to murmur; CHAPLIN,
accepting involuntary applause, read on with increased impressiveness
and complacency; murmurs grew into shout. At view-halloa! fox started;
fifth folio now reached; only seven more to read. CHAPLIN began to wish
GOSCHEN or OLD MORALITY would go and fetch him glass of water. Cries
from crowd grew louder. At last CHAPLIN, looking up, beheld, through
astonished glasses, Opposition indulging in roar of contumely. Wouldn't
have taken him more than quarter of an hour or twenty minutes to finish
his few remarks, and yet a lot of miserable Members who didn't know a
fox from a hare wouldn't let him go