nating than the amphibious and
lascivious damsels of the Sandwich Islands, (to convert whom from the
error of their ways, more missionaries have been sent out, or
volunteered their services, than to all the rest of the "poor ignorant
heathen" put together,) or the ladies of the North West Coast, who smell
too strong of train-oil to comprehend the truths of Christianity, or
rather of Calvanism, which is altogether another affair, and who are in
consequence left in their original and antediluvian darkness.

Impressed with this idea, and feeling both grieved and mortified that so
excellent a young gentleman as Charles Morton should give himself up to
such an absurd and, in their estimation, unnatural passion, the young
ladies of New Bedford determined to tease him out of it; much upon the
same principle as the Roman emperors endeavored to suppress the
Christian religion by exposing its professors to wild beasts: the wild
beasts grew fat upon Christians, and Christianity grew fat and strong
upon persecution. Perhaps if the diademed tyrants had treated it with
indifference, the effects would have been otherwise.

Whenever poor Morton was met in company, he was always the object of
ridicule to these lively and well-meaning young ladies.

"Pray, Charles, do tell us something about this lady-love of yours;
what's her complexion?"

"How much train-oil does she drink in the course of a day?" said
another.

"Or how much raw shark serves her for a meal?" asked a third.

"Does she wear a spritsail-yard through the gristle of her nose?" said a
fourth.

"Or a brass ring in her under lip?" said a fifth.

"Is she tattooed on both cheeks, or only on one?" said a sixth.

Such was the peculiar style of banter to which he was sure to be
subjected, whenever he went into company; and in a short time he
abstained from visits, and devoted his time to perfecting himself in his
nautical studies, and making diligent inquiries after vessels bound
round Cape Horn. If ever you noticed it, madam, a man in love does not
relish jokes at the expense of his idol. "Ne lude cum sacris,"
ecclesiastically rendered, signifies, do not make fun of the clergy; but
among lovers it means, do not speak of my love with levity or contempt.
I remember when I was in love for the third or fourth time--I was then
studying trigonometry and navigation--my passion being unable to expend
itself in sonnets to my mistress's eyebrow, I gave way to geometrical
flights