e Doctor that his old friend, Governor Brown, called to
see him, and will drop in again to-morrow. Don't forget: Governor Brown
of Arkansas." A moment later the Governor visited me by a side-door,
with his account of the symptoms of my patients. Enter a tall
Hoosier,--the Governor having retired. "Now, Doc," says Hoosier, "I've
been handled awful these two years back." "Stop," I exclaim, "open your
eyes. There now, let me see," taking his pulse as I speak. "Ah, you've
a pain there, and you can't sleep. Cocktails don't agree any longer.
Weren't you bit by a dog two years ago?" "I was," says the Hoosier, in
amazement. "Sir," I reply, "you have chronic hydrophobia. It's the water
in the cocktails that disagrees with you. My bitters will cure in a
week, sir."

The astonishment of my friend at these accurate revelations may be
imagined. He is allowed to wait for his medicine in the ante-room, where
the chances are in favor of his relating how wonderfully I had told all
his symptoms at a glance.

Governor Brown of Arkansas was a small but clever actor, whom I met in
the billiard-room, and who, day after day, in varying disguises and
modes, played off the same trick, to our great mutual advantage.

At my friend's suggestion, we very soon added to our resources by the
purchase of two electro-magnetic batteries. This special means of
treating all classes of maladies has advantages which are altogether
peculiar. In the first place, you instruct your patient that the
treatment is of necessity a long one. A striking mode of putting it is
to say, "Sir, you have been six months getting ill, it will require six
months for a cure." There is a correct sound about such a phrase, and it
is sure to satisfy. Two sittings a week, at three dollars a sitting,
pays pretty well. In many cases the patient gets well while you are
electrifying him. Whether or not the electricity cures him is a thing I
shall never know. If, however, he begins to show signs of impatience,
you advise him that he will require a year's treatment, and suggest that
it will be economical for him to buy a battery and use it at home. Under
this advice he pays you twenty dollars for an instrument which cost you
ten, and you are rid of a troublesome case.

If the reader has followed me closely, he will have learned that I am a
man of large views in my profession, and of a very justifiable
ambition. The idea had often occurred to me of combining in one
establishment all the