ertain
she stole one of my best caps."

"To wear herself?" asked Ben demurely.

"No, she wanted it for her grandmother. I'm almost sure I saw
it on the old woman's head at the sewin' circle one afternoon.
Then, again, there was Susan Thompson. She was the laziest,
sleepiest gal I ever see. Why, one day I went into the kitchen,
and what do you think? There she stood, in the middle of the
floor, leanin' her head over her broom fast asleep."

"In both these cases phrenology would have enabled you to
understand their deficiencies, and saved you from hiring them."

Here a gentlemen whispered to Prof. Crane: "Offer to examine
the old woman's head for nothing. I will see you are paid."

The professor was not slow in taking the hint.

"Madam," said he, "as my time just now isn't particularly
valuable, I don't mind examining your head for nothing."

"Will you?" said the old lady. "Well, you're very polite and
oblegin'. You may, if you want to."

Prof. Crane understood that a joke was intended, and shaped
his remarks accordingly.

"This lady," he commenced, "is distinguished for her amiable
disposition." Here there was a smile visible on several faces,
which, luckily, the old lady didn't see. "At the same time, she
is always ready to stand up for her rights, and will not submit
to be imposed upon."

"You're right there, mister," interjected the old lady, "as my
son-in-law will testify. He tried to put upon me; but I soon
let him know that I knew what was right, and meant to have it.

"My subject has a good taste for music, and would have been
a superior performer if her talent had been cultivated. But her
practical views would hardly have permitted her to spend much
time in what is merely ornamental. She is a good housekeeper,
and I may venture to remark that she understands cooking
thoroughly."

The old lady--so potent is flattery--really began to look amiable.

"I wish old Miss Smith could hear you," she interrupted. "She's
a vain, conceited critter, and purtends she can cook better than I
can. If I couldn't make better pies that she had the last time the
sewin' circle met at her house, I'd give up cookin', that's all."

"You see, gentlemen and ladies," said the professor, looking about
him gravely, "how correct are the inductions of science. All that
I have said thus far has been confirmed by my subject, who surely
ought to know whether I am correct or not."

"This lady," he proceeded, "is