n he'd snort, and rear up, and roll over; and there
In the subsequent hush they could hear him chew air.

"And so glaringly bald was the top of his head
That many's the time he has musingly said,

"As his eyes journeyed o'er its reflex in the glass,--
'I must set out a few signs of _Keep Off the Grass!_'

"So remarkably deaf was my grandfather Squeers
That he had to wear lightning-rods over his ears

"To even hear thunder--and oftentimes then
He was forced to request it to thunder again."

THE GENTLE ART OF BOOSTING

BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS

The Idiot was very late at breakfast, so extremely late in fact that
some apprehension was expressed by his fellow boarders as to the state
of his health.

"I hope he isn't ill," said Mr. Whitechoker. "He is usually so prompt at
his meals that I fear something is the matter with him."

"He's all right," said the Doctor, whose room adjoins that of the Idiot
in Mrs. Smithers-Pedagog's Select Home for Gentlemen. "He'll be down in
a minute. He's suffering from an overdose of vacation--rested too hard."

Just then the subject of the conversation appeared in the doorway, pale
and haggard, but with an eye that boded ill for the larder.

"Quick!" he cried, as he entered. "Lead me to a square meal. Mary,
please give me four bowls of mush, ten medium soft-boiled eggs, a barrel
of sautee potatoes and eighteen dollars' worth of corned beef hash. I'll
have two pots of coffee, Mrs. Pedagog, please, four pounds of sugar and
a can of condensed milk. If there is any extra charge you may put it on
the bill, and some day when Hot Air Common goes up thirty or forty
points I'll pay."

"What's the matter with you, Mr. Idiot?" asked Mr. Brief. "Been fasting
for a week?"

"No," replied the Idiot. "I've just taken my first week's vacation, and
between you and me I've come back to business so as to get rested up for
the second."

"Doesn't look as though vacation agreed with you," said the
Bibliomaniac.

"It doesn't," said the Idiot. "Hereafter I am an advocate of the Russell
Sage system. Never take a day off if you can help it. There's nothing so
restful as paying attention to business, and no greater promoter of
weariness of spirit and vexation of your digestion than the modern style
of vacating. No more for mine, if you please."

"Humph!" sneered the Bibliomaniac. "I suppose you went to Coney Island
to get rested up Bumping the Bump and Looping the Loop and doi