I sat there amazed. He told how early in the winter, before he left
the ranch, he had found out that he was honestly in love with me. That
it had changed him--made him see he had never been any good--and
inflamed him with the resolve to be better. He had tried. He had
succeeded. For six weeks he had been all that could have been asked of
any young man. I am bound to confess that he was!... Well, he went on to
say how he had fought it out with himself until he absolutely _knew_ he
could control himself. The courage and inspiration had come from his
love for me. That was the only good thing he'd ever felt. He wanted dad
and he wanted me to understand absolutely, without any doubt, that he
had found a way to hold on to his good intentions and good feelings. And
that was for _me!_... I was struck all a-tremble at the truth. It was
true! Well, then he forced me to a decision. Forced me, without ever
hinting of this change, this possibility in him. I had told him I
_couldn't_ love him. Never! Then he said I could go to hell and he gave
up. Failing to get money from dad he stole it, without compunction and
without regret! He had gone to Kremmling, then to Elgeria.

"'I let myself go,' he said, without shame, 'and I drank and gambled.
When I was drunk I didn't remember Collie. But when I was sober I did.
And she haunted me. That grew worse all the time. So I drank to forget
her.... The money lasted a great deal longer than I expected. But that
was because I won as much as I lost, until lately. Then I borrowed a
good deal from those men I gambled with, but mostly from ranchers who
knew my father would be responsible.... I had a shooting-scrape with a
man named Elbert, in Smith's place at Elgeria. We quarreled over cards.
He cheated. And when I hit him he drew on me. But he missed. Then I shot
him.... He lived three days--and died. That sobered me. And once more
there came to me truth of what I might have been. I went back to
Kremmling. And I tried myself out again. I worked awhile for Judson, who
was the rancher I had borrowed most from. At night I went into town and
to the saloons, where I met my gambling cronies. I put myself in the
atmosphere of drink and cards. And I resisted both. I could make myself
indifferent to both. As soon as I was sure of myself I decided to come
home. And here I am.'

"This long speech of Jack's had a terrible effect upon me. I was stunned
and sick. But if it did that to me _what_ did it do to dad?