ith the sleep.

CONSTABLE
I'm sorry for troublin' you. But duty is duty, an' it
must be done whether we give offence to our best
friends or not. Sure, 'tis well I know that you have
no one on the premises.

MRS. COTTER
We can't please everybody.

CONSTABLE (_as he draws a chair to the fire and sits down_)
Who would try? I wonder is it snow we're goin' to
have?

MRS. COTTER
If you're cold, come up to the fire in the sittin'-room.
Or if I were you, I'd take a good walk.

CONSTABLE
I'm tired o' walkin', an' the cold gives me no trouble.
'Tis the pains I have here (_placing his hand on his
heart_) that affects me.

MRS. COTTER
What sort are they?

CONSTABLE
Cramps--of the worst kind.

MRS. COTTER
Gracious me! Have you taken anythin' for them?

CONSTABLE
What would be good for 'em?

MRS. COTTER
Hot milk an' pepper.

CONSTABLE
I tried that.

MRS. COTTER
Anythin' else?

CONSTABLE
Nothin' except a smoke.

MRS. COTTER
Maybe a little drop o' "Wise's" would do some good?

CONSTABLE
I'd try anythin' that 'ud lessen the pain, though I'd
rather not be troublin' ye.

MRS. COTTER
'Tis no trouble at all.

[_Exit. While she is away, something falls in the room
where Micus and Padna are. The Constable fails to
open the door, and returns to his chair before Mrs.
Cotter comes back with the drink_.

MRS. COTTER (_handing glass_)
Drink that up, go straight home, bathe ye'r feet in
mustard an' water, an' ye'll be as strong as a Protestant
in the mornin'!

CONSTABLE (_taking glass_)
Thank ye, ma'am.

[_Drinks it off. The Head in the coal hole sneezes, and
the Sergeant shouts_ "God bless us!"

CONSTABLE
What's that?

MRS. COTTER
Oh, that's nothin'.

[_Another sneeze and_ "God bless us!"

CONSTABLE
Well, if that nothin' isn't somethin', I'm dotin'.

[_Opens door and Head and Sergeant fall out on the
floor_.

SERGEANT
'Tis all your fault with your blasted sneezin'.

HEAD
Now, maybe you'll believe that I've a cold.

SERGEANT
Don't be botherin' me. I can't believe meself not to
mind a liar like you.

HEAD (_to the Constable, after he has got on his feet_)
Now, sir, what have you got to say for yourself?
'Twill be useless for you to deny that meself an' the
Sergeant here (_points to the Sergeant who is still on the
floor_) have caught you drinkin' on these licensed
premises durin' your hours o' duty.

CONSTABLE
An' what about me catchin' the pair o' ye hidin' in
the coal hole o' th