y beset me. I
am overcome by them. But, O God, Thou hast all power, now resume Thy
right. Let the powers of hell no more prevail.--In the class father
asked me, if I ever went to pray; I answered in the affirmative; but,
Lord, Thou knowest I am not so much in earnest as I was some weeks
ago.--Father called upon me to pray; I did not refuse, but have since
been tempted to believe I should be a greater hypocrite. Lord, make me
a Christian indeed in whom there is no guile.--Lord give me to enjoy
the reality of Christianity, I want to be thine. God help me to give
up my own will. Bless him whom I have given up with a very great
growth in grace."
[This entry refers to an attachment which met with the disapproval of
her parents and was relinquished in the spirit of filial obedience.]
"Just before tea, Mr. Spence asked me if my heart was right; I could
not forbear weeping. 'God be merciful to me a sinner.' What an
enemy is a light and trifling spirit!--I was grieved because I had
disobliged my mother. O for a meek and quiet spirit."
The particulars of the next two or three years are only to be gathered
from a few scanty notes attached to a small pocket Bible, in which she
had carefully noted the sermons she heard with the impressions made on
her own mind. The greater part of these are written in short-hand, and
consequently useless. But such as are intelligible prove that she was
in the habit of weighing the words of the preacher and applying them
to her own heart. Some expressions seem to indicate that the clouds
which had so long overshadowed her spirit were beginning to disperse
and give place to a serene and sunny sky. We quote a few examples.
"Oh! how happy was I!--I did not hear to profit, I was troubled in
mind. I felt it.--I long to find my all in God.--I felt the love of
Jesus precious.--I am answered.--Blessed, heart searching doctrine!--A
telling sermon but I was unmoved; how hard am I.--He like some of
his brethren harps at the gown and cassock.--I felt much
softened.--Memorable!--Alas! I profit little by all I hear; surely it
is because my faith is small. Ah. me! how long? how long?--A precious
discourse to me. He preached my experience.--The solution of the text
was a gratification, while I heard profitably. He made a very droll
remark when describing those 'who make their belly their God;' he said
'they make their kitchen their temple, their cook and butcher their
priests, and their belly their God.'--I
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