s pinched in his place and escaped
a penitentiary sentence by the narrowest kind of a shave. That got my
mad up, and I served notice on him to quit his foolishness or I'd get
after him. He replied by cooking up a fine little scheme that almost
laid me by the heels again. So I declared war and 've been camping on
his trail ever since."

He paused and twiddled his thumbs, staring reflectively at the ceiling.
"I'm sure I don't know why I bore myself telling you all this. What's
the use?"

"Never mind," said Staff in an encouraging manner; he was genuinely
diverted. "At worst it's a worthy and uplifting--ah--fiction. Go on....
Then you're not a Secret Service man after all?"

"Nothing like that; I'm doing this thing on my own."

"How about that forged paper you showed the captain?"

"Wasn't forged--genuine."

"Chapter Two," observed Staff, leaning back. "It is a dark and stormy
night; we are all seated about the camp-fire. The captain says:
'Antonio, go to it.'"

"You are certainly one swell, appreciative audience," commented Iff
morosely. "Let's see if I can't get a laugh with this one: One of the
best little things my dear little cousin does being to pass himself off
as me, he got himself hired by the Treasury Department some years ago
under the name of William Howard Iff. That helped him a lot in his
particular line of business. But after a while he felt that it cramped
his style, so he just faded noiselessly away--retaining his credentials.
Then--while I was in Paris last week--he thought it would be a grand
joke to send me that document with his compliments and the suggestion
that it might be some help to me in my campaign for his scalp. That's
how I happened to have it."

"That's going some," Staff admitted admiringly. "Tell me another one.
_If_ you're Iff and not Ismay, what brought you over on the Autocratic?"

"Business of keeping an eye on my dearly beloved cousin," said Iff
promptly.

"You mean Ismay was on board, too?"

"'Member that undergrown waster with the red-and-grey Vandyke and the
horn-rimmed _pince nez_, who was always mooning round with a book under
his arm?"

"Yes...."

"That was Cousin Arbuthnot disguised in his own hair."

"If that was so, why didn't you denounce him when you were accused of
stealing the Cadogan collar?"

"Because I knew he hadn't got away with it."

"How did you know?"

"At least I was pretty positive about it. You'll have to be patient--and
intelligent--if