f to this: How can he
continue in the companionship of the men he likes, and who possibly like
him, and not drink? How can he remain a social animal, with the
fellowship of his kind, and stay on the water-wagon? Well, it is a
difficult problem, especially for persons situated as I was, who had
spent twenty years accumulating a large assortment of acquaintances who
used the stuff in moderation, but with added social zest to their goings
and comings.

When a man first stops drinking he is likely to become censorious. That
starts him badly. Also he is likely to become serious. That marks him
down fifteen points out of a possible thirty. He flocks by himself,
thinking high thoughts about his purity of purpose, his vast wisdom, his
acute realization of the dangers that formerly beset his path and now
beset the path of all those who are not walking side by side and in
close communion with him. He pins medals all over himself, pats himself
on the chest, and is much better than his kind.

Then he wakes up--unless he is a chump and a Pharisee. If he is one or
both of those he never wakes up, but soon passes beyond the pale. When
he wakes up--assuming he has intelligence enough to do that--he gets an
acute realization that if he holds off in that manner much longer even
the elevator boys will not speak to him; and he comes to a point where
he finds out that the wisest of the wise saws is that a man who is in
Rome should do as the Romans do, with such modifications as his personal
circumstances may demand. Personally I found the most advantageous
course to pursue was to drop the highfalutin air of extreme virtue that
oppressed me and depressed my friends for the first few months and
consider the whole thing as a joke.

_VI: The Jeers of the Smart Alecs_

I refused to take it seriously. It was in reality the most serious thing
in the world; but that was inside. Outside it was a thing to josh, to
laugh over, to stand chaffing about--I listened to interminable
comments, all couched in the same form--but, nevertheless, a thing to be
held to grimly and firmly. So I went along whenever I had a chance.
After the ghosts ceased haunting and the desire had gone I found I could
cheer up on skillfully absorbed mineral water. I am free to say that a
good deal of the conversation I heard bored me a heap; but I did not let
on. And the result has been that I am no longer forced to flock by
myself, but can break into almost any company