ce it had bred in me the most odious humiliation, an intense longing
to go from her, a passionate loathing for the necessity of forcing
myself on her. I was chastened now; I should not be in so bad a case as
Struboff; there would be no question of a fresh slice of bread. But I
tried to harden myself against her, declaring that, desiring the prize,
she must pay the price, and deserved no pity on the score of a bargain
that she herself had ratified. Alas, poor dear, she knew neither how
small the prize was nor how great the price, and her eyes prayed me not
to turn her fears to certainty. She would know soon enough.

Last comes the vision of the theatre, of the gala performance, where
Elsa and I sat side by side, ringed about with great folk, enveloped in
splendour, making a spectacle for all the city, a sight that men now
remember and recall. There through the piece we sat, and my mind was at
work. It seemed to me that all my life was pictured there; I had but to
look this way or that, and dead things rose from the grave and were for
me alive again. There was Krak's hard face, there my mother's
unconquerable smile; a glance at them brought back childhood with its
rigours, its pleasures snatched in fearfulness, its strange ignorance
and stranger passing gleams of insight. Victoria's hand, ringed, and
gloved, and braceleted, held her fan; I remembered the little girl's
bare, red, rapped knuckles. Away in a box to the right, close by the
stage, was the Countess with her husband; my eyes turned often toward
her and always found hers on mine. Again as a child I ran to her, asking
to be loved; again as a boy I loved her and wrung from her reluctant
love; again in the first vigour and unsparing pride of my manhood I
sacrificed her heart and my delight. Below her, standing near the
orchestra, was Wetter; through my glass I could see the smile that never
left his face as he scanned the bedizened row in which I sat. There with
him, looking on, jesting, scoffing at the parade, there was Nature's
place for me, not here playing chief part in, the comedy. What talks and
what nights had we had together; how together had we fallen from heaven
and ruefully prayed for that trick of falling soft! See, he smiles more
broadly! What is it? Struboff has stolen in and dropped heavily into a
seat. Wetter waved a hand to him and laughed. Laugh, laugh, Wetter! It
is your only gospel and therefore must be pardoned its inevitable
defects. Laugh even