this morning that I was in a dreadfully
embarrassing and uncomfortable position about Patty and my promise to
Mr. Walker. If I kept it, and tried to use my influence with her, it
might be that I would be working against Mr. Brett. It would be hateful
to do that, as we are such friends; but I was afraid there must be
something rather catty in my nature, (though I never thought so before)
because I could not approve of a marriage between him and Patty. My
private opinion was that Patty wasn't at all the sort of girl to make
him happy; but I didn't dare to depend too much on the wisdom of my
opinion, lest it should be biassed by prejudice. It is so hard when you
have a friend who has been all yours, to see that some other girl may
be more congenial to him than you are, and that the best thing for him
would be to fall in love with her.

Mr. Brett has known Patty for a long time, and though he hasn't been
here often, he has made flying visits sometimes, I know; and even Patty
and Ide both call him "Jim"; never Mr. Brett. I reminded myself as I
thought it all over, that probably one reason why he wanted to stay
with his cousins now was to see Patty again, not in the least because
of his friendship with me, which is quite a recent thing compared to
his acquaintance with Patty. I had to admit that though we have been
such friends, all he has done for me could easily be accounted for by
that American chivalry to women, on which the men over here are so keen
as a nation, rather than any particular liking for me as a girl. And I
must have a horrid, exacting disposition, because discovering this made
me feel absolutely ill. I was so jealous of Patty, because she could
perhaps take away my best friend and have him for her lover, that all
her pretty little ways and looks quite annoyed me, and I felt I could
have slapped her.

Such feelings made me hate myself, for it is so unpleasant finding out
suddenly that you are a brute; yet I would not indulge my wicked heart
by telling Patty that she ought to marry Mr. Walker. I could scarcely
eat any breakfast or dinner, and early in the afternoon I crept out of
doors, very miserable. I felt that Vivace was the only being on earth
who really cared for me, and even he was more interested at the time in
a rabbit hole he had found than in my society. He wouldn't come away
from it when I called, so I bundled him under my arm, and walked off
with him to the sugar camp, where I could be alone, an