can.
Because of that there seemed always to be a conflict of feelings,
attachments and loyalties, a conflict which dominated a great part of
her life, at least the first part of it. I think in many respects
this conflict of feelings was upsetting and painful and she suffered
a great deal from the frustrations that these feelings often brought
about.

Because of these conflicting feelings and attachments Nelka was
restless and went back and forth between Europe and America always
seeking a solution and a way of life. I think these conflicting
feelings and the deep attachment to her family were the main reasons
why for so long she had not married. She just was afraid to create or
add a new attachment.

Pretty, with a lovely figure, always very feminine, with a brilliant
mind and a sparkling personality, a great sense of humor, broad and
diversified education, an understanding of art and good taste,
cosmopolitan in her experiences and speaking four languages--Nelka
had tremendous success both with men and with women.

The friends she had were always deeply devoted friends who kept their
friendship through years or through life and were always under the
spell of her personality.

Her overwhelming personality and charm naturally attracted men and
about thirty men of every nationality had at one time or another
asked her in marriage. When she was twenty-two, during her four
months visit in Bulgaria, five men proposed to her.

But she never agreed, first because just marriage for the sake of
marriage had no attraction for her, and because of her emotional
attachments she was afraid to create a new one. She also once told my
mother that she would never marry unless she had a complete and
overwhelming feeling, and that she had not yet found.

Throughout these years and because of these conflicting feelings, I
think she was disturbed and in many ways not happy. There was too
much conflict of feelings. Also her philosophically inclined mind was
always searching and seeking--searching a religious understanding of
life, always questioning the reasons for this or that problem of
life. Her Aunt Susan Blow, who was a great student of philosophy,
contributed much in a way to Nelka's emotional seekings. But how
often in later years Nelka lamented the fact that she had not
utilized fully the wisdom and the knowledge that her aunt could have
given her in her philosophical understandings. Nelka was seeking by
herself, trying to unr