e church. When the hymn before the sermon
was given out I went as usual to the vestry to put on the black gown.
Not knowing that the clergyman generally stayed there till the end of
the hymn, I emerged as soon as I had vested myself and walked to the
pulpit and ascended the stairs. When nearly at the summit, to my horror
I discovered a very fat beadle in the pulpit lighting the candles. We
could not possibly pass on the stairs, and the eyes of the whole
congregation were upon me. It would be ignominious to retreat. So after
a few minutes' reflection I saw my way out of the difficulty, which I
overcame by a very simple mechanical contrivance. I entered the pulpit,
which exactly fitted the beadle and myself, and then face to face we
executed a rotary movement to the extent of a semicircle, when the
beadle finding himself next the door of the pulpit was enabled to
descend, and I remained master of the situation.

* * * * *

At Uffington, near Shrewsbury, during the incumbency of the Rev. J.
Hopkins, the choir and organist, having been dissatisfied with some
arrangement, determined not to take part in the service. So when the
clerk, according to the usual custom of those days, gave out the hymn,
there was a dead silence. This lasted a little while, and then the
clerk, unable to bear it, rose up and appealed to the congregation,
saying most imploringly, "Them as _can_ sing _do_ ye sing: it's misery
to be a this'n" (Shropshire for "in this way").

* * * * *

At Wolstanton, in the Potteries, there was a somewhat fussy verger
called Oakes. On one occasion, just at the time of the year when it was
doubtful whether lights would be wanted or no, and when they had not yet
been lighted for evening service, a stranger, who was a very smart young
clergyman, was reading the lessons and had some difficulty in seeing. He
had on a pair of delicate lavender kid gloves. The verger, perceiving
his difficulty, went to the vestry, got two candles, lighted them, and
walked to the lectern, before which he stood solemnly holding the
candles (without candlesticks) in his hands. This was sufficiently
trying to the congregation, but suddenly some one rattled the latch of
the west door, when Oakes, feeling that it was absolutely necessary to
go and see what was the matter, thrust the two candles into the poor
young clergyman's delicately gloved hands, and left him!

At the church of S