l me the date at which, or on which, Oliver Cromwell's father
died?

Answer: No, I can't.

Student of Mathematics asks:

Will you kindly settle a matter involving a wager between myself and
a friend? A. bet B. that a pedestrian in walking downhill over a given
space and alternately stepping with either foot, covers more ground than
a man coasting over the same road on a bicycle. Which of us wins?

Answer: I don't understand the question, and I don't know which of you
is A.

Chess-player asks:

Is the Knight's gambit recognized now as a permissible opening in chess?

Answer: I don't play chess.

Reuben Boob asks:

For some time past I have been calling upon a young lady friend at her
house evenings and going out with her to friends' nights. I should like
to know if it would be all right to ask to take her alone with me to the
theatre?

Answer: Certainly not. This column is very strict about these things.
Not alone. Not for a moment. It is better taste to bring your father
with you.

Auction asks:

In playing bridge please tell me whether the third or the second player
ought to discard from weakness on a long suit when trumps have been
twice round and the lead is with dummy.

Answer: Certainly.

Lady of Society asks:

Can you tell me whether the widow of a marquis is entitled to go in to
dinner before the eldest daughter of an earl?

Answer: Ha! ha! This is a thing we know--something that we _do_ know.
You put your foot in it when you asked us that. We have _lived_ this
sort of thing too long ever to make any error. The widow of a marquis,
whom you should by rights call a marchioness dowager (but we overlook
it--you meant no harm) is entitled (in any hotel that we know or
frequent) to go in to dinner whenever, and as often, as she likes. On a
dining-car the rule is the other way.

Vassar Girl asks:

What is the date of the birth of Caracalla?

Answer: I couldn't say.

Lexicographer asks:

Can you tell me the proper way to spell "dog"?

Answer: Certainly. "Dog" should be spelt, properly and precisely, "dog."
When it is used in the sense to mean not "_a_ dog" or "_one_ dog" but
two or more dogs--in other words what we grammarians are accustomed
to call the plural--it is proper to add to it the diphthong, _s_,
pronounced with a hiss like _z_ in soup.

But for all these questions of spelling your best plan is to buy a copy
of Our Standard Dictionary, published in ten volumes, by this newspaper