the Roman poet hath assured us, by
visiting states and men, I reply to the Zoilus who shall adhere to this
objection, that, _de facto_, I have seen states and men also; for I have
visited the famous cities of Edinburgh and Glasgow, the former twice, and
the latter three times, in the course of my earthly pilgrimage. And,
moreover, I had the honour to sit in the General Assembly (meaning, as an
auditor, in the galleries thereof,) and have heard as much goodly
speaking on the law of patronage, as, with the fructification thereof in
mine own understanding, hath made me be considered as an oracle upon that
doctrine ever since my safe and happy return to Gandercleugh.

Again,--and thirdly, If it be nevertheless pretended that my information
and knowledge of mankind, however extensive, and however painfully
acquired, by constant domestic enquiry, and by foreign travel, is,
natheless, incompetent to the task of recording the pleasant narratives
of my Landlord, I will let these critics know, to their own eternal shame
and confusion, as well as to the abashment and discomfiture of all who
shall rashly take up a song against me, that I am NOT the writer,
redacter, or compiler, of the "Tales of my Landlord;" nor am I, in one
single iota, answerable for their contents, more or less. And now, ye
generation of critics, who raise yourselves up as if it were brazen
serpents, to hiss with your tongues, and to smite with your stings, bow
yourselves down to your native dust, and acknowledge that yours have been
the thoughts of ignorance, and the words of vain foolishness. Lo! ye are
caught in your own snare, and your own pit hath yawned for you. Turn,
then, aside from the task that is too heavy for you; destroy not your
teeth by gnawing a file; waste not your strength by spurning against a
castle wall; nor spend your breath in contending in swiftness with a
fleet steed; and let those weigh the "Tales of my Landlord," who shall
bring with them the scales of candour cleansed from the rust of prejudice
by the hands of intelligent modesty. For these alone they were compiled,
as will appear from a brief narrative which my zeal for truth compelled
me to make supplementary to the present Proem.

It is well known that my Landlord was a pleasing and a facetious man,
acceptable unto all the parish of Gandercleugh, excepting only the Laird,
the Exciseman, and those for whom he refused to draw liquor upon trust.
Their causes of dislike I will touch