them. Once I didn't believe it myself. If there was
anything that formerly bored me to the marrow of my soul, it was talk
about California by a regular dyed-in-the-wool Californiac. But I got
mine ultimately. Even as I was irritated, I now irritate. Even as I
was bored, I now bore. Ever since I first saw California, and became,
inevitably, a Californiac, I have been talking about it, irritating and
boring uncounted thousands. I begin placatingly enough, "Yes, I know you
aren't going to believe this," I say. "Once I didn't believe it myself.
I realize that it all sounds impossible. But after you've once been
there--" Then I'm off. When I've finished, there isn't an hysterical
superlative adjective or a complimentary abstract noun unused in my
vocabulary. I've told all the East about California. I've told many of
the countries of Europe about California. I even tell Californians about
California. I will say to the credit of Californians though that they
listen. Listen! did I say listen? They drink it down like a child
absorbing its first fairy tale.

In another little volume devoted to the praise of California, Willie
Britt is on record as saying that he'd rather be a busted lamp-post on
Battery Street than the Waldorf-Astoria. I said once that I'd rather be
sick in California than well anywhere else. I'm prepared to go further.
I'd rather be in prison in California than free anywhere else. San
Quentin is without doubt the most delightfully situated prison in the
whole world. Besides I have a lot of friends--but I won't go into
that now. Anyway if I ever do get that severe jail-sentence which
a long-suffering family has always prophesied for me, I'm going to
petition for San Quentin. Moreover, I would rather talk about California
than any other spot on earth. I'd rather write about California than
any other spot on earth. Is it possible that any Californian Chamber of
Commerce has to pay a press agent? Incredible! Inexplicable! I
wonder that local millionaires don't bid their entire fortune for the
privilege. Now what has Willie Britt to say?

Yes, my idea of a pleasant occupation would be listing, cataloguing,
inventorying, describing and--oh joy!--visiting the wonders of
California. But that would be impossible for any one enthusiast to
accomplish in the mere three-score-and-ten of Scriptural allotment.
Methusalah might have attempted it. But in these short-lived days,
ridiculous to make a start. And so, perforce, I m