urther advance on his part would
prove matter of injury. How could he know until he had tried? Indeed,
it required several clear tumbles down an entire flight to satisfy his
judgment on this point, and to imprint it on his mind, through the
medium of his bumpology, that the swiftest transition from one place
to another, especially when effected by the downward movement, is not
always the safest and the most agreeable. But afterward, none knew
better than he what is meant by the word "landing," as applied to the
staircase. "The Landing of Columbus" may be celebrated in pictures;
but Mathew Mizzle accomplished landings that made very nearly as much
noise as that effected by "the world-seeking Genoese," and the voyages
of both were accompanied by squalls.

But it was not by the touch alone that Mathew Mizzle sought after
information in his earlier career. His taste was equally curious.
Strange bottles were subjects of the most intense interest, so that
like Mithridates, he almost became proof against injury by the
frequent imbibings of poison. He knew that pleasant draughts came from
bottles, but had to learn that because a bottle has contents, it does
not necessarily follow that these contents are either safe or
agreeable. Ink, for instance--a copious mouthful of ink--however
literary one may be, ink thus administered is not a matter over which
the recipient is inclined greatly to rejoice. It did not appear so, at
least, when Mathew Mizzle, in frock and trowsers, astonished, after
this fashion, his mouth, his clothing and the carpet--so astonished
himself that he forgot to reverse the bottle, but permitted it to pour
in a steady stream right into the aperture of his lovely countenance.
No one probably in the wide world ever acquired a greater variety of
knowledge, as to the effect of substances of all kinds upon the human
palate, than was obtained by Mathew Mizzle in the course of his
earlier investigations into the relative qualities of solids and
liquids. A spoonful of Cayenne pepper probably afforded him as much of
surprise as any thing of the same portable compass. The varied
expressions of his countenance would have been a study to a Lavater.
The opera-house never witnessed a dance more remarkable for force and
for expression; and if ever Mathew Mizzle was wide awake--wider than
on any previous occasion, it was when he had seasoned himself highly
with Cayenne. It made Mathew piquant to a degree; and something of the