bump, bump tiddy ump bump,--
Off on a honeymoon all by myself,
Bump tiddy ump bump bay!"

Well, my dear Sarah, that is exactly the sort of wedding journey
which has fallen to me.

We were married. Yes, I'm very clear about that. Dolores, my
dewy-eyed dove, stood with me, and Randal, ghastly and trembling, by
Michael Daragh. The solemn old minister knotted us securely. Michael
kissed me. (I'm very clear about that, too.)

Suddenly, like a cyclone, like a typhoon, Dolores Tristeza cast
herself upon me. "Virgin mawther of my soul," she howled, "do not
leave me! I keel myself! _Ella de la barba_ ees nawthing to me!
Do not leave me to die with these so ugly strangers! _No tengo mas
amiga que tu!_" (Thou art my only friend!)

She was working up into a frenzy which made all her earlier efforts
sound like lullabies with the soft pedal on, and she was shaking
herself into convulsions and crying real tears. "Behold," she sobbed,
"_las lagrimas de la huerfanita_!" (The tears of the little orphan!)

I counted ten. Then I turned to my new husband.

"Michael Daragh," I said, meekly, "will you take Randal with you and
let me take Dolores with me?"

I wish you could have seen people's faces as we went off in a
groaning taxi, ourselves, our luggage, Randal, white and protesting,
Dolores, tearful but triumphant, Jose-Maria, snapping and snarling,
Santa Catalina, strongly urging every one to shut his ugly mouth for
the love of all the saints.

Sally, you've read a hundred stories, haven't you, which went like
this--the ceremony, the good wishes, the rice, the old shoes,
then--"he jerked down the curtain of the cab window,"--"Alone at
last," he murmured, "my _wife_!" "He folded her in his arms."

I think Michael Daragh's feeling was that we were not _entirely_
alone, and that it was a rather large order to fold in his arms a
swearing parrot, a shivering, hairless dog, a robust Mexican orphan,
a bride and a dope fiend, for he made not the first gesture of the
above ritual.

It is after midnight. Dolores is asleep here in my stateroom, a smile
of seraphic peace on her face, but in the room next door I hear the
steady murmur of M.D.'s voice reading to poor Randal, who cannot
sleep, who has tried to jump overboard. Michael dares not leave him
for an instant, even to tel