ance of our real character and position. He told us if we persisted
in our course, death would probably follow; though at another time he
confessed to P.D. that this would only be the extreme sentence of
court-martial.

He urged us to go into the hospital, stating that this course was
advised by Friends about New York. We were too well aware of such a fact
to make any denial, though it was a subject of surprise to us that he
should be informed of it. He pleaded with us long and earnestly, urging
us with many promises of indulgence and favour and attentions we found
afterwards to be untrue. He gave us till the next morning to consider
the question and report our decision. In our discussion of the subject
among ourselves, we were very much perplexed. If all his statements
concerning the ground taken by our Society were true, we seemed to be
liable, if we persisted in the course which alone seemed to us to be in
accordance with Truth, to be exposed to the charge of over-zeal and
fanaticism even among our own brethren. Regarding the work to be done in
hospital as one of mercy and benevolence, we asked if we had any right
to refuse its performance; and questioned whether we could do more good
by endeavouring to bear to the end a clear testimony against war, than
by labouring by word and deed among the needy in the hospitals and
camps. We saw around us a rich field for usefulness in which there were
scarce any labourers, and toward whose work our hands had often started
involuntarily and unbidden. At last we consented to a trial, at least
till we could make inquiries concerning the Colonel's allegations, and
ask the counsel of our friends, reserving the privilege of returning to
our former position.

At first a great load seemed rolled away from us; we rejoiced in the
prospect of life again. But soon there prevailed a feeling of
condemnation, as though we had sold our Master. And that first day was
one of the bitterest I ever experienced. It was a time of stern conflict
of soul. The voice that seemed to say, "Follow me," as I sought
guidance the night before, kept pleading with me, convincing of sin,
till I knew of a truth my feet had strayed from His path. The
Scriptures, which the day before I could scarcely open without finding
words of strength and comfort, seemed closed against me, till after a
severe struggle alone in the wood to which I had retired, I consented to
give up and retrace my steps in faith. But it was too