What's the
matter?" Lawrence had seized his arm. "Am I--am I talking
rubbish? I feel half asleep. But one night's sitting up
aughtn't to-- Oh, this is absurd! . . ."

Lawrence waited in the patience of dismay. It was no excuse to
plead that till then he had not known all the harm he had done;
men should not set racks to work in ignorance of their effect on
trembling human nerves.

"That's over," said Val, wiping his forehead. "Sorry to make a
fuss, but it came rather suddenly. Things always happen so
simply when they do happen."

"Are you going to confess?"

"Oh yes. I ought to have done it long ago. In fact last night I
made up my mind to break my parole if you wouldn't let me off,
but I'd rather have it this way. Remains only to choose time and
place: that'll need care, for I mustn't hurt others more than I
can help. But I wouldn't mind betting it'll all be as simple as
shelling peas. The odds are that people won't believe half I
say. They'll have forgotten all about the war by now, and
they'll make far too much allowance for my being only nineteen."

"And for a voluntary confession: that always carries great
weight. They would judge you very differently if it had come out
by chance. Rightly, too: if you're going to make such a
confession at your time of life, it will be difficult for any one
to call you a coward."

"Thank you!" Val shrugged his shoulders with the old indolent
irony. "But moral courage was always my long suit."

"How young you still are!" said Lawrence smiling at him, "young
enough to be bitter. But you're under a delusion. No, let me
finish-- I'm an older man than you are, I've seen a good deal of
life, and I had four years out there instead of six weeks like
you. So far as I can judge you never were a coward. Thousands
and hundreds of thousands of men broke down like you, but they
were lucky and it wasn't known, or at all events it wasn't
critical. Their failure of nerve didn't coincide with the
special call to action. You would have redeemed yourself if you
had been able to stick to your profession. You have redeemed
yourself: and you'd prove it fast enough if you got the chance,
only of course in these piping times of peace unluckily you
won't." He coloured suddenly to his temples. "Good God, Val! if
there were any weakness left in you, could you have mastered me
like this?"

CHAPTER XVII

The quickest way to Wanhope was by High Street and field path.