large organ and the semen. He then
left me. I could hardly sleep from excitement. I felt I had been
initiated into a great and delightful mystery.

"I at once fell into the habit of masturbation. It was some
months before I could produce the orgasm; at about 13 a slight
froth came; at about 14 a little semen. I do not know how
frequently I did it--perhaps once or twice a week. I used to feel
ashamed of myself afterward. I told the man I was doing it and he
expressed surprise I had not known about it before he told me. He
warned me to stop doing it or it would injure my health. I
pretended later that I had stopped doing it.

"I practiced solitary masturbation for some months. At first the
semen was small in amount and watery.

"I had not at this time ever succeeded in drawing the foreskin
below the 'corona.' After masturbation I would sometimes feel
local pain in the penis, sometimes pains in the testicles, and
generally a feeling of shame, but not, I think, any lassitude.
The shame was a vague sense of discomfort at having done what I
knew others would regard as dirty. I also experienced fears that
I was injuring my health.

"It was not long before I found other boys at the preparatory
school with whom I talked of sexual things and in some cases
proceeded to acts. The boys were between the ages of 9 and 14;
they left at 14 or 15 for the public schools. We slept in
bedrooms--several in one room.

"There was no general conversation on sexual matters. Few of the
boys knew anything about things--perhaps 7 or 8 out of 40. Before
describing my experiences at the school I may mention that I
cannot remember having at this period any wish to experience
heterosexual intercourse; I knew as yet nothing of homosexual
practices; and I did not have, except in one case, any love or
affection for any of the boys.

"One night, in my bedroom--there were about six of us--we were
talking till rather late. My recollection commences with being
aware that all the boys were asleep except myself and one other,
P. (the son of a clergyman), who was in a bed at exactly the
opposite end of the room. I suppose we must have been talking
about this sort of thing, for I vividly remember having an
erection, and suddenly--as if by premonition--getting out of my
bed, and, with heart beating, go