ut one leg. Besides the
honour, the perquisites are good; accordingly, all old quartermasters,
captains of tops, &c., look forward to the cookdom, as the cardinals
look to the popedom; and really there is some analogy between them,
for neither is preferred from any especial fitness for the office.
A cardinal is made pope because he is old, infirm, and imbecile--our
friend Caboose was made cook because he had been Lord Nelson's
coxswain, was a drunken rascal, and had a wooden leg; for, as to his
gastronomical qualifications, he knew no more of the science than just
sufficient to watch the copper where the salt junk and potatoes were
boiling. Having been a little in the wind overnight, he had quartered
himself, in the superabundance of his heroism, at a gun where he
had no business to be, and in running it out, he had jammed his toe
in a scupper hole, so fast that there was no extricating him; and
notwithstanding his piteous entreaty "to be eased out handsomely, as
the leg was made out of a plank of the Victory, and the ring at the
end out of one of her bolts," the captain of the gun finding, after a
stout pull, that the man was like to come "home in his hand _without_
the leg," was forced "to break him short off," as he phrased it, to
get him out of the way, and let the carriage traverse. In the morning
when he sobered, he had quite forgotten where the leg was, and how
he broke it; he therefore got Kelson to splice the stump with the
butt-end of a mop; but in the hurry it had been left three inches too
long, so that he had to jerk himself up to the top of his peg at every
step. The doctor, glad to breathe the fresh air after the horrible
work he had gone through, was leaning over the side, speaking to
Kelson. When I fell, he turned round and drew Cookee's fire on
himself. "Doctor, you have not prescribed for me yet."--"No, Caboose,
I have not; what is wrong?"--"Wrong, sir! why, I have lost my leg, and
the captain's clerk says I am not in the return!--Look here, sir, had
doctor Kelson not coopered me, where should I have been?--Why, doctor,
had I been looked after, amputation might have been unnecessary; a
_fish_ might have done, whereas I have had to be _spliced_." He was
here cut short by the voice of his mate, who had gone forward to slay
a pig for the gunroom mess. "Oh, Lad, oh!--Massa Caboose!--Dem dam
Yankee! De Purser killed, massa!--Dem shoot him troo de head!--Oh,
Oh, Lad!" Captain Deadeye had come on deck. "You,