FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   429   430   431   432   433   434   435   436   437   438   439   440   441   442   443   444   445   446   447   448   449   450   451   452   453  
454   455   456   457   458   459   460   461   462   463   464   465   466   467   468   469   470   471   472   473   474   475   476   477   478   >>   >|  
mperative to be able to say: our love is unparalleled, unique; or, at least: I am the only possible one; I am yours, you are mine, only. That had not been the case. What he had been forced to tell himself was, that he was not the first. And now he knew that, for some time past, he had been aware that he would always occupy the second place; she was forced to compare him with another, to his disadvantage. And he knew more. For the first time, he allowed his thoughts to rove, unchecked, over her previous life, and he was no longer astonished at the imperfections of the present. To him, the gradual unfolding of their love had been a wonderful revelation; to her, a repetition, and a paler and fainter one, of a tale she already knew by heart. And the knowledge of this awakened a fresh distrust in him. If she had loved that first time, as she had asserted, as he had seen with his own eyes that she did, desperately, abandonedly, how had it been possible for her to change front so quickly, to turn to him and love anew? Was such a thing credible? Was a woman's nature capable of it? And had it not been this constant fear, lest he should never be able to efface the image of his predecessor, which, yesterday, had boldly stalked out as a dread that what had drawn her to him, had not been love at all? But this mood passed. He himself cared too well to doubt, for long, that in her own way she really loved him. What, however, he was obliged to admit was, that what she felt could in no way be counted the equal of his love for her: that had possessed a kind of primeval freshness, which no repetition, however passionately fond, could achieve. And yet, in his mind, there was still room for doubt--eager, willing doubt. It was due to his ignorance. He became aware of this, and, while brooding over these things, he was overmanned by the desire to learn, from her own lips, more about her past, to hear exactly what it had meant to her, in order that he might compare it with her present life, and with her feelings for him. Who could say if, by doing this, he might not drive away what was perhaps a phantom of his own uneasy brain? He resolved to make the endeavour. But he was careful not to let her suspect his intention. First of all, he was full of compunction for his bad temper of the night before; he was also slightly ashamed of what he was going to do; and then, too, he knew that she would resent his prying. What he did must be done with ta
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   429   430   431   432   433   434   435   436   437   438   439   440   441   442   443   444   445   446   447   448   449   450   451   452   453  
454   455   456   457   458   459   460   461   462   463   464   465   466   467   468   469   470   471   472   473   474   475   476   477   478   >>   >|  



Top keywords:
forced
 

repetition

 
present
 

compare

 
ignorance
 

brooding

 

counted

 
obliged
 

possessed

 

achieve


primeval
 

freshness

 

passionately

 

temper

 

compunction

 
suspect
 

intention

 
slightly
 
prying
 

resent


ashamed

 

careful

 

endeavour

 

overmanned

 

desire

 

feelings

 

uneasy

 

resolved

 

phantom

 

things


unchecked
 

previous

 

longer

 
astonished
 

thoughts

 

disadvantage

 

allowed

 

imperfections

 
fainter
 
revelation

wonderful

 

gradual

 
unfolding
 

unique

 

unparalleled

 

mperative

 

occupy

 

constant

 

capable

 

nature