though she were
committing some childish prank unworthy of a grown-up person. This shop
was beginning to turn her brain. At night-time, when the light was out
she experienced the charm of some forbidden pleasure by thinking of it
with her eyes open. She again made her calculations; two hundred and
fifty francs for the rent, one hundred and fifty francs for utensils
and moving, one hundred francs in hand to keep them going for a
fortnight--in all five hundred francs at the very lowest figure. If she
was not continually thinking of it aloud, it was for fear she should be
suspected of regretting the savings swallowed up by Coupeau's illness.
She often became quite pale, having almost allowed her desire to escape
her and catching back her words, quite confused as though she had been
thinking of something wicked. Now they would have to work for four or
five years before they would succeed in saving such a sum. Her regret
was at not being able to start in business at once; she would have
earned all the home required, without counting on Coupeau, letting him
take months to get into the way of work again; she would no longer have
been uneasy, but certain of the future and free from the secret fears
which sometimes seized her when he returned home very gay and singing,
and relating some joke of that animal My-Boots, whom he had treated to a
drink.

One evening, Gervaise being at home alone, Goujet entered, and did not
hurry off again, according to his habit. He seated himself, and smoked
as he watched her. He probably had something very serious to say; he
thought it over, let it ripen without being able to put it into suitable
words. At length, after a long silence, he appeared to make up his mind,
and took his pipe out of his mouth to say all in a breath:

"Madame Gervaise, will you allow me to lend you some money?"

She was leaning over an open drawer, looking for some dish-cloths. She
got up, her face very red. He must have seen her then, in the morning,
standing in ecstacy before the shop for close upon ten minutes. He was
smiling in an embarrassed way, as though he had made some insulting
proposal. But she hastily refused. Never would she accept money from any
one without knowing when she would be able to return it. Then also
it was a question of too large an amount. And as he insisted, in a
frightened manner, she ended by exclaiming:

"But your marriage? I certainly can't take the money you've been saving
for your mar