it cost what it may.'
I wrote thereupon to the friend who had imparted to me so many godly
gifts, that I loved him as a father, and that I purposed to loosen
myself from all worldly ties. He was, moreover, fearful that I should
not have strength enough to bear all that I should meet with. But the
parable of the five foolish virgins and other similar salutary passages
of Holy Writ were ever in my heart, and they impelled me to give up the
pleasures of the world; yet I felt a fear of my master and mistress
which I could not conquer. Then I frequently danced with tears in my
eyes, and knew not how to help myself. 'Ah,' thought I frequently, 'if
I were but the daughter of a herdsman, I should not be blamed for
living in the simplicity of Christ's teaching. No one would mind me.'
But when I became conscious that no position could excuse me, I
determined that nothing should be a hindrance to me either in life or
death. I therefore went to my duchess, and begged for my dismissal.
This was refused; but, as she wished to know what had moved me to this,
I told her openly, that the life I was obliged to lead at court was
against my conscience. Then did my dear duchess try to divert my mind
from this, looked upon it as a fit of melancholy, and said, 'You always
live like a virtuous maiden, and read and pray assiduously; you see
also that others who are good Christians do the like things; they are
not forbidden if the heart is not set upon them.' But I pointed out to
her the example of Christ and his word; I did not judge other men, but
could not be content to follow their example. As now my dear duchess
saw that she could not change my mind, she promised to excuse me
everything that I felt to be contrary to my conscience, only she would
have me remain with her and perform my duties in all other respects as
before. But I represented that she would be deprived of much service by
this, especially when strangers came, when it might easily happen that
the other maiden should fall sick, then she would be without
attendance, because I would not be present at appointed gaieties, and
that would give occasion for ridicule. She would not, however, be
deterred from her object, but promised me faithfully that I should be
relieved from all attendance at mere amusements. Then she mentioned it
to the duke, who contended with me sharply, and said it was the
suggestion of the devil, that I, who was a young lady, beloved by high
and low, should expose