, just as
if it had been a common sermon; for the auction opened, and they began
to buy extravagantly. I found the good man had thoroughly studied my
Almanacs, and digested all I had dropt on these topics during the
course of twenty-five years. The frequent mention he made of me must
have tired any one else; but my vanity was wonderfully delighted with
it, tho I was conscious that not a tenth part of the wisdom was my
own, which he ascribed to me, but rather the gleanings that I had made
of the sense of all ages and nations. However, I resolved to be the
better for the echo of it; and tho I had at first determined to buy
stuff for a new coat, I went away resolved to wear my old one a little
longer. Reader, if thou wilt do the same, thy profit will be as great
as mine.

V

A DIALOG WITH THE GOUT

[_Dated at midnight, 22 October,1780._]

_Franklin._ Eh! Oh! Eh! What have I done to merit these cruel
sufferings?

_Gout._ Many things; you have ate and drank too freely, and too much
indulged those legs of yours in their indolence.

_Franklin._ Who is it that accuses me?

_Gout._ It is I, even I, the Gout.

_Franklin._ What! my enemy in person?

_Gout._ No, not your enemy.

_Franklin._ I repeat it; my enemy; for you would not only torment my
body to death, but ruin my good name; you reproach me as a glutton
and a tippler; now all the world that knows me will allow that I am
neither the one nor the other.

_Gout._ The world may think as it pleases; it is always very
complaisant to itself, and sometimes to its friends; but I very well
know that the quantity of meat and drink proper for a man who takes a
reasonable degree of exercise, would be too much for another, who
never takes any.

_Franklin._ I take--Eh! Oh!--as much exercise--Eh!--as I can, Madam
Gout. You know my sedentary state, and on that account, it would seem,
Madam Gout, as if you might spare me a little, seeing it is not
altogether my own fault.

_Gout._ Not a jot; your rhetoric and your politeness are thrown away;
your apology avails nothing. If your situation in life is a sedentary
one, your amusements, your recreations, at least, should be active.
You ought to walk or ride; or, if the weather prevents that, play at
billiards. But let us examine your course of life. While the mornings
are long, and you have leisure to go abroad, what do you do? Why,
instead of gaining an appetite for breakfast, by salutary exercise,
you amuse yourself