tten;
and when the police hear it was only an eccentricity upon his
lordship's part, they won't say anything. Now, do you think that you
would be able to swear that the man you drove last night was very like
Lord Crossborough? If so, it would be lucky, and I'm sure her ladyship
will give you fifty pounds."

I thought about it a minute, rolling up the notes and putting them into
my pocket. Of course I could swear as she wanted me to. And fifty of
the best. Good Lord, what a temptation!

But I'll tell you straight that I got the fifty, and never swore
nothing at all. The party was a job put up by Lady Crossborough. The
man I drove was Mr. Jermyn, of the Hicks Theatre, and the world and the
newspapers laughed so loud at his lordship, who never convinced anybody
he hadn't done it, that he went off to India in a hurry, and never came
back for twelve months. Which proves to me that honesty is the best
policy, as I shall always declare.

And one thing more--where did Mr. Jermyn get out of my car? Why, just
as I slowed up for the corner by the church at Barnet--not a hundred
yards from where the constable stopped me. A clever actor--why, yes,
he is that.

[1] The Editor has left Mr. Britten to speak for himself in his own
manner when that seems characteristic of his employment.

[2] Mr. Britten's spelling of Quat'z-Arts is eccentric.

II

THE SILVER WEDDING

Yes, I shall never forget "Benny," and I shall never forget his
beautiful red hair. Gentlemen, I have driven for many ... and the
other sort, but "Benny" was neither the one nor the other--not a man,
but a tribe ... not a Jew nor yet a Christian, but just something you
meet every day and all days--a big, blundering heap of good-nature,
which quarrels with one half the world and takes Bass's beer with the
other. That was Benjamin Colmacher--"Benny" for short--that was the
master I want to tell you about.

I was out of a job at the time, and had picked up an endorsement at
Hayward's Heath and left a matter of six pounds there for the justices
to get busy with. Time is money, they say, and I have found it to be
so ... generally five pounds and costs, though more if you take a
quantity. It isn't easy for a good man with a road mechanic's
knowledge and five years' experience, racing and otherwise, to place
himself nowadays, when any groom can get made a slap-bang "shuffer" for
five pounds at a murder-shop, and any old coachman is young enough