ake."

"Why, Auntie, I'll get you some ice," which the young lady did, telling
her to put some in a handkerchief around her head, and take a small
piece in her mouth.

Auntie started to do as she was directed, but evidently overdid it, for
in a short time she burst into the dining-room, shouting,

"O Lor', missee, I's frizzed, I's gwine ter die. O Lor' er massy, gim me
some hot water, quick, befo' I's a dead mammy."

"Why, what on earth is the matter, Auntie?"

After a great deal of trouble, the following explanation was given:

"I's done swallow dat piece of ice as youse tole me, an' it stuck in my
chest, an' den it began ter freeze all my chest, an' I done feel it er
reachin' fer my heart. Dat settled it sure 'nough. Nothin' would stop
that freezin' till I swallered de hot water ter melt it. Yes, I's better
now, but I don' want no more ob dat ice."

TEACHER. "If your father was to hear of your bad conduct it would make
his hair turn gray."

BOBBY. "I beg your pardon, sir, my father hasn't any hair left."

TOMMY. "Why does the sun rise in the east?"

BOBBY. "I guess there must be a (y)east factory over that way."

FIRST BOY. "Did you hurt yourself when you fell that time?"

SECOND BOY. "Nop, not when I fell; it was when I hit the ground I hurt
myself."

THE HORNETS' NEST.

The hornets' nest is football-shaped
About the rose-bush curled,
But I would never raise my foot
To kick it for the world.

A gentleman once asked a lawyer what he would do provided he had loaned
a man $500, and the man left the country without sending any
acknowledgments.

"Why, that's simple; just write him to send an acknowledgment for the
$5000 you lent him, and he will doubtless reply stating it was only
$500. That will suffice for a receipt, and you can proceed against him
if necessary."

End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, July 23, 1895, by Various

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